This YaYaPapaya World-as viewed by WaWaWatermelon!

Decisions about the future

2012-01-15T00:02:00.003+08:00

From the moment I stepped into SoC I decided that there's no way I would ever want to enter the computing industry. NEVER EVER LIKE NO WAY.

But ZSD has stirred my determination! :( He claims that HCI design is the next big thing. Said stuff like, we all know what CEO and CTOs are, but the next up and coming important post is the CDO (Chief Design Officer), and said stuff like "people are beginning to realise the importance of design", "startups which are looking for investment, if they have a strong designer on their team, it's much likelier to get it" blah blah... He says that it's already very important in the west, but it's taking some time for it to catch on in Singapore, and by the time we graduate and work for a few years, the wave would have hit here, and we would just nice be designers with experience blah and blah.

And my friends even added on to it by saying stuff like, "Like apple lor, they sell mainly cos of their design, so what ZSD said might be true"...

Oh my gosh. Sounds like a good deal, ain't it?

Now on top of deciding between a graphics designer, a teacher, or an English teacher in Japan, I have one more option - HCI designer. Can don't add on to my worries or not?

But then again, since ZSD is the HCI in charge here in SoC, it might be just him trying to promote it so as to not throw his own rice bowl. Which idiot would say "HCI no future la don't study HCI" if that's what's earning him his bread?

Ok, enough ranting, back to math. I hate math.

Update

2011-12-26T23:16:00.000+08:00

My sis asked me to update my blog and so I did.

CM is a fucked up major

2011-11-14T01:44:00.000+08:00

To anyone who is considering going to the School of Computing, NUS, and major in Communications and Media, DON'T.

It's so seriously fucked-up you're going to have to beg for modules to clear for graduation, realise that the "long list" of electives and core modules is just a facade (a lot of modules are repeated in each category, and level 4000 NM modules are basically out if you have a poor CAP to start with), deal with clashing core modules even when there are already so few core modules in the first place, realise last minute that they removed your core module from the course schedule last minute stealthily and thus mess up your plans, and basically live through the last few semesters of your university life worrying about having to delay graduation. And you probably would have to delay graduation. Unless you plan like super early.

And it's not even worth that effort, because you know what? CM grads have the lowest employment rate amongst the whole of computing. Actually, they are the second lowest in the whole of NUS, losing to Environmental Engineering. And you also get the lowest median starting salary for the whole of NUS, at $2.5K, on par with arts and science. So why not just go to arts and have an easier time?!

My advice, DON'T MAJOR IN CM IN NUS COS YOU'LL REGRET IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. Go somewhere else that deserves your effort, time and money more, and will reap you more benefits than this bullshit of a major.

Okinawa part 2

2011-09-20T22:30:00.000+08:00

Somehow or another, when applying for JET programme, I'm most likely to state my choice of placement as follows: Okinawa->Osaka->Tokyo->Kyoto But since Tokyo is a popular choice, and very few vacancies are actually based in Tokyo, plus the rent and cost of living is also super high there, I might as well replace it with Chiba or Nagoya, who knows! Or maybe Shizuoka.

Anyway, this time round, we brought 4 students, 1 guy 3 girls, all around Singapore!

The day started off terrible, because I thought we were going to meet them at NUS museum but actually it was the National Museum near Bugis. We cabbed there in the end, and arrived 30 minutes later than the stipulated time. Then we toured around the history exhibitions, which was really cool, even as a Singaporean. Afterwards, we brought them to Bugis, not forgetting to let them try Koi! XD The girls liked bugis street a LOT. Haha. After that we walked to Arab street and they also shopped a lot there. Initially they wanted to enter the mosque and take a look, but we arrived at the gates of the mosque at 4.30 and they're only open for visitors until 4pm oh well. Then they really really wanted to see the merlion and so we went to see it! They were super excited about seeing the real merlion as well as MBS haha. Spammed a lot of photos there too. And they were also super excited when they saw the F1 "track" and the durian esplanade haha! After a long day, we settled at Marina square for pizza as dinner at pizza hut, and ended the day there :D

Might meet them again on Friday for a short tour of NUS as well as lunch. Shall bring them to the amazing posh hotel-like U-town again haha.

SCANDAL!

2011-09-18T00:40:00.000+08:00

Yesterday (or rather on Friday night), I attended the first concert in my life!

It was for this girl rock band called SCANDAL from Japan. The four members are all super pretty, sing well, and play their instruments well. I WAS SUPER HIGH THERE haha.

Tomomi's voice sounded ok in youtube videos and mp3s but at the actual live, OMG she sounded like a chipmunk. If I had that kind of voice I'd seriously rather die. But, it was okay for her since she's quite cute and it fits her image anyway.

To me, it felt kind of surreal. These people whom I've been watching on youtube were actually right in front of me! Actually even right now it feels like a dream. It seriously felt like I was watching a super ultra HD video or something on youtube. Haha.

Oh and, although they tried their best to speak in English, when they had more to say, they said it in Japanese and I was surprised when I could understand everything they said! haha proud proud proud.

"I eating Chikin Rice (chicken rice), and it was very, very, very, ... HOT! But, delicious!"

Lol. Cute!

And, they sang two songs for the encore. :D It ended with Everybody Say Yeah!

Also, they people who attended the concert were seriously... SUPER MANIACS lol. I would never go to that extend, not even for Arashi. But I also got to know a few nice people.

Their merchandise are also super expensive. $60 for a tshirt, $40 for a towel. OMFG? My ticket only costed $75 and you want me to spend $60 on a tshirt? Crazy.

After the concert I had a full night of ringing in my ears. Haha.

They promised they'll be back again! I'll definitely go again!

When queueing, people kept walking by cutting through our queue in front of me and wongs. Lol. And we also managed to cut queue too because park soon went super early and then also since the people attending the concert were mostly guys and we were two girls they just mostly kept quiet about it lol. If this was a Shinee concert we were talking about, I DOUBT THINGS WOULD HAVE BEEN SO CALM LOL.
After the concert ended, me and wongs were like drunkards high on ecstacy haha super high! And we also rushed to Bugis to buy KOI before it closed! Luckily we made it on time haha.

I was also super surprised to see children there too. 10 years old, already attend rock concert le. Wows! I 22 years old then attend my first one! Lol.

And most concert attenders were otakus. Haha. Me and wongs figured that they have a common shape lol!!! But they were super duper high during the concert as well!

P.S. for my own remembering (since I tend to forget things more and more these days) お母さんやりすぎだよ！そこまでやるのなら、あなたの息子は一生に成長できないよ！

Ok! :D End of remembering my concert experience!

Actually I wanted to go to Seiransai 2011, but lazy leh. Haha. So we decided to go next year instead. :D

Can't wait for Monday! Meeting another batch of students from Okinawa!

今日の続き

2011-09-13T20:22:00.000+08:00

If you thought that was the end of my day you were wrong!

After that, during Jap class, we went to the NUS Sado room to experience a tea ceremony! Wa my knees hurt freaking much can! And I almost couldn't stand properly after kneeling down for the whole ceremony. But it was a good experience for me! The two guys wore jeans and that was the worst thing ever because "the blood cannot flow", as quoted by the sado senior. After the thing ended and everyone started to stand up to leave the room, one couldn't walk, the other couldn't even stand. LOL.

How I hope I can experience it again! :D

立教大学

2011-09-13T15:18:00.000+08:00

今日は立教大学から観光を専門している二年生の学生が２０人ぐらい来た。んで、グループ三つに分けてディスカッションをしてた。

なんでみんなこんなにきれいなんだろう～うらやましい！イケメンもいたし。楽しかったよ！

クリスタルが呼ばなきゃ来なかったのに、来てよかった！

んで、次は来週の月曜日！沖縄の琉球大学の学生が５人来る予定。まずはNUSの博物館、それから、NUSをちょっと案内して、後はまだ決まってないけど、たぶんチャイナタウンとリトルインディアかな？その後はまだ予定があるけど（マリーナに行きたいって言ったんだけど）私はちょっと無理やから、先に帰るつもりで。

楽しいな～ようやく学生っぽく活躍中やな～でも宿題や勉強もしっかりしないとね。っていうかさ、学生の使命は勉強やろう？ちゃんと勉強しろよ、あたし！最後の学年なんだもん！早く卒業したいね。卒業できるといいね。

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in English! In short! Today, around 20 tourism students from Rikkyou University (tokyo) came over! All the girls are so pretty! And most of the guys (though there were only 3) were shuai! And I enjoyed myself! The end~

Interpreter-for-a-day

2011-09-05T12:49:00.000+08:00

I'm using the new blogger interface, supposedly cleaner and more intuitive, but somehow it just doesn't feel like blogger anymore. I feel like it's google docs with an orange themed interface.

But anyway, let's not digress.

Yesterday, I was an interpreter! For just one day.

The Winds Association of Singapore (WSA) organised a music and leadership workshop for secondary students who are in the school band. The event was held in ACJC. For the workshop, they invited professors from one of the most famous music colleges in Tokyo, or even in the whole of Japan, Kunitachi College of Music!

Anyway, I only found out about my job scope when I reached ACJC on the day itself so it came as quite a shock to me. Haha.

So we were attached to individual professors and I was attached to Associate Professor Tachigawa, who was in charge of the flute section. His flute playing is really beautiful. Although I didn't know a single thing about flutes before this, I learnt a lot about flute playing just by being there helping to translate what he was saying. You could really tell between the good players and the horrible ones. How some of them have noises when playing even though their technique is really up-there, and some of them although they have a beautiful sound, do not have enough air and thus cannot sound loud or grand enough. Well, not saying that I can play the flute. I still can't play it at all. But I certainly do know how to appreciate it more than before!

And as for the interpreting itself, it was mostly fine, but whenever there were technical terms I would go "huh? uhhh..." Oh well, I think this can't be avoided haha. But if I had known my job scope earlier, I could have gone more prepared and researched on the technical terms beforehand. But wait, how the hell would I know the technical terms, right? I can't even play the flute! Lol.

But anyway, we also got to watch the professors' mini concert, and it was really interesting. The music was nice, although I listened to it twice (there were two separate sessions, morning and afternoon, and for each sessions they played the exact same pieces) so I kind of felt like dozing off on the second time.

AND HAVE I TOLD YOU? They all look deceivingly young for their age! I thought prof Tachigawa was around 40-50 years old, maybe around my parents' age. Until when he heard one of the girls play a famous Baroque piece, and commented, "Oh, I know this song, the last time I played it was 45 years ago".

I was like DDD: WUT?!

And another Oshare Ojisan (fashionable uncle), whom I thought was around 30-40, and kind of good-looking for his age, told his interpreter that he has a daughter who's 26 years old and a 4-year-old granddaughter. WUT?!!! You've got to be kidding me.

All in all it was an invaluable experience, so despite the fact that I was unpaid and all, I really enjoyed myself there and learnt a lot. :D

On a side note, some kids these days, they can blatantly tell me "I don't understand Chinese". You're Chinese but you don't understand simple, basic Chinese and can still be so proud of it?! Shame on yourself, really! But well, I'm supposed to translate into English in the first place anyway. It's just that some terms are easier to explain in Chinese so it just slipped out of my mouth. Need to brush up on my English!

Okinawa

2011-09-01T22:57:00.000+08:00

Last Friday, a group of people, mostly university students, from Okinawa (Japan) came over to NUS for a seminar about Okinawa. They're a seriously energetic and driven bunch and I can't help but admire them for what they have that I don't.

Their main motive here is to promote Okinawa, as well as see if they can learn something from Singapore that they can bring back to Okinawa to improve the tourism there.

After their presentation, I really feel like going to Okinawa for my grad trip (if I have one) now! It's just such an amazing place. And it's rojak like Singapore in a sense that it's Japan, it's not, and it's also America at the same time. Even the students themselves said they don't know what Okinawa is anymore. This is because long ago, Okinawa used to be called The Ryukyu Kingdom, a country on its own (but also full of immigrants from nearby countries, China and Korea). Then, some warlord from southern Japan called Shimazu, under the order of the shogunate that was in control at that time, invaded the Ryukyus. Not wanting to see bloodshed, the king of the Ryukyus accepted defeat. After that, it was part of Japan. HOWEVER, not long after, there was WWII, and Japan lost, and Okinawa then became occupied by Americans. Some years later, the Americans retreated (although partially), and it became part of Japan again.

So you see, they are confused, too. Are they the Ryukyus, or Japan, or America? In fact, you can find all three cultures and artifacts in that one place! You can also find Chinese, Korean and even Javanese influences in their culture. In fact, the stuff they have there is actually quite different from the rest of Japan. How intriguing.

Well, apart from their super awesome and interesting history, they have really beautiful seas and beaches, their air is really good, and the weather there is awesome too, not too cold, not too hot! Water sports like water-skiing and scuba and non-scuba diving also seem to be their main tourist attraction.

Ok let's talk about the people. Five of them came, three guys and two girls. The two girls are super chio and pretty, and super confident! The guys are even more interesting.

There's this guy, he's not a university student like the other four. Currently, he's working as an assistant teacher. In Japan, they actually have this post whereby there's a main teacher and an assistant, who teach at the same time. So while the main teacher is teaching, the assistant will help around by looking out for weaker students and explaining stuff to them while the main continues teaching, or make people pay attention if he spots them losing their concentration. He also keeps the children in check if they start fights, or make noises or disrupts the class. For that, he keeps saying that he's a "fake teacher" lol. Well, but anyway. Before this job, last year, he used to work as an insurance salesman AND... AND.. guess what? A FARMER! Lol! I now know an (ex)farmer! How cool is that?!

Another guy, he explained to us that the education system in Japan has been really screwed up recently because the government just keeps employing teachers in huge quantities and the quality of education has dropped severely. Class sizes have also been huge and thus the attention they receive is not optimal. Seeing that, he has decided to be a teacher himself and went to study English in University so that he can be an English teacher. He has also told us of some of his plans to improve the standard of education back home. Ambitious! But that's the way youngsters should be, right?

The last guy talked mainly about the unique food they have there. They brought some samples and it was quite tasty!

One of the girls is very worried about the environment in Okinawa. Their beaches are clean and sparkly but garbage from China and Korea keep getting washed up onto their shores. She is trying to find out how to solve this problem, but unfortunately we couldn't give her any good ideas since in Singapore, what we do is pay people to clean up the garbage.

The last girl wants to improve the tourism of Okinawa. She has identified a few problems, like, although they keep wanting tourists to come, the people there cannot really speak English. Also, they are not sure what is good as publicity and tourists attractions, because their main tourist attraction aka beautiful seas and beaches, as well as diving and other water sports, can easily be done elsewhere (e.g. Maldives). Also, we helped them to identify that a huge pull factor that could help a lot in boosting their tourism industry is to HAVE DIRECT FLIGHTS. They don't have direct flights right now. You have to transfer from some other main airport like Narita airport in Tokyo.

Anyway, I really learnt a lot about Okinawa and Japan through this experience, as well as got myself a chance to practice my Japanese. As I see these young people who really want to do something to improve the conditions of their homeland, I think we really have to learn from them this spirit of loving where we come from, and wanting to see change, and actually DO SOMETHING to make the change and BE THE CHANGE we want to see. It's high time that we Singaporeans stop complaining and move our butts to do something about whatever stupid shit we are complaining about. I think we are just too pampered, really. Complaining about a bus that takes 7 minutes to come when in Okinawa, the bus can take up to 2 hours to arrive.

Project C.A.N. Distribute 30th June 2011

2011-07-31T22:51:00.000+08:00

This is the third time I'm joining Project CAN as a volunteer, but the first time I'm joining the Distribute phase. (For the past two times I joined the Collect phase.)

All I can say is, I've never learnt so much about life in my entire life.

There was this man, whom after receiving the canned food and dried rations, let us in his small one-room Bedok flat and told us about his life. When he saw the two big bagfuls of food that we brought him, the first thing he told us was "My wife would be really very happy when she sees this after she comes back." He told us his wife was 75 years old, very frail, and only receives $150 support from the church. He himself was a 55 year old man who collects used drink cans for a living. In their sparse flat, there was no fan, no TV, and the only electrical appliances were the light bulb and a broken unwanted radio that he received from his neighbour.
When he saw a packet of Anlene milk powder within the bags of food, he took it out gingerly and said, "I recognise this. My wife, when we go to the supermarket, would always look at it longingly and touch it, but never bears to buy it." He told us that he was very appreciative of our efforts, and that it meant a lot to him.
He went on to say that while we lucky and fortunate people might think that $10 is nothing, every single dollar counts for them.
He also told us about his experiences at work. Like how he would put in his best effort in everything he does, even if it's a dishwasher job. He said that, even if people look down on toilet cleaners and dishwashers and think they are dirty, as long as you do your job well, and keep yourself clean, you are clean, and you are respectable. He complained to us about how he heard that graduates from university won't pick up a job that offers $2000. He said, "even if it's only for 500, just take it for the time being!" (Well, I kind of couldn't agree on this one. At least $1.6k (poly grad min pay) ma!)
He told us when he was working at a restaurant, there were three types of jobs - Waiter (receives tips), Runner (delivers the dishes to the table but receives no tips), and One Other Job Title Which I Forgot (in charge of clearing tables). The waiters and runners would exchange shifts so that they get to be tipped, but nobody wants to be the one who clears the dishes from the tables. He was the only one who took up that job. However, he also did the jobs of the waiters and runners when he sees a job to be done. In the end, he got promoted as a trainer. To him, that was the greatest glory he ever received, and in his eyes, that job was much better than being the restaurant manager because the trainer would know better than the manager how things are actually run and done in his workplace.
He repeated his advice over and over again, "Be humble, but be confident of yourself. Put in your best effort in whatever you do." He told us that he wanted to let us know this, because he really appreciated our efforts but didn't know how to express it. In return, all he can give back to us in return is advice from his experiences in life. He also said that if he could, he would also want to do charity work, and that although he doesn't have much money, if he had $100, he can donate $10; if he had $10, he can donate $1; if he had $1, he can donate 10c. There is no such thing as being too poor to donate, he said.

Other than this particular man, there was also this other middle-aged woman, who lived with another elderly woman who seemed to be in her 70s (not sure of their relationship... mom and daughter? or mom-in-law?). THEIR FLAT WAS ABSOLUTELY EMPTY. There were no chairs, no beds, no furniture. The elderly woman was just sitting on the hard, cold floor. Their clothes were torn and tattered, but it seemed to me that that was all they owned. The elderly was hard of hearing, and both of them had little teeth so we couldn't really comprehend what they were saying. At least they have a roof over their head...

At first I didn't think much of my experiences with these people. After the event ended, I still happily went out with the remainder of my group to Bugis and sinfully ate expensive dinner and shopped around. But when I reached home and recounting what I saw to my dad, I really felt so sad for them that I almost cried.

What people say about me is true. 我的命太好了，没有受过挫折，不知道什么叫辛苦。To think that I got so depressed and suicidal just because I MIGHT HAVE TO DELAY GRADUATION. WTF.

I am just so glad that I went for the event yesterday. I learnt so much in just a day. I am so going to join again next year!

Waste of talent

2011-07-26T17:05:00.000+08:00

When Amy Winehouse died, many sighed and said "What a tremendous waste of her talent".

I wonder if anyone would say the same if something ever happens to me?

I think I have many talents, but none of them have actually proved to be useful in the real world.

You know, like some people can play a song by blowing raspberries from their armpits, yeah it's a talent and not many people in the world can do it, but it's also an extremely useless talent that does not rake in any profit (monetary or not) at all. Maybe it'll keep a child entertained for a few seconds, maybe make a few people giggle, but that's probably all there is to it.

Oh well.

Unable to get my priorities right

2011-07-26T14:49:00.000+08:00

I think I've found the root of all of my problems: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PRIORITIZE.

Time management is all about prioritizing.
Managing relationships is also about prioritizing.

In fact, there have been so many instances when I fucked up because I got my priorities wrong.

Shit.

怖い

2011-07-24T23:16:00.000+08:00

未来を怖がってるの。
誰か助けてくれない？
卒業できないかも。卒業したかったらこの二つの学期が超しんどくなるよ。私、乗り越えられないかも。
卒業しても多分フリーターになると思うの。
こんな人生なんて、意味なくねぇ？
最初から間違ってるわ。
生まれてから間違ってるね。
心がもっと、もっと沈んでいく…

Happy?

2011-07-21T19:44:00.000+08:00

I hope you're happy with this. You should have expected the outcome.

Look at yourself. When you wanted stuff I'd get it for you. Even if it's out of the way. Even if it's near impossible.
But when it comes to me, you give me lame 5-year-old reasons to justify your laziness.

Why and what for do I put so much effort into this family, really.

What to do?

2011-07-19T14:27:00.000+08:00

So after bugging and pestering my prof real hard since he doesn't reply to my emails, I finally got a reply from him!

And things are looking good so far! Happy to the max!

Yesterday we had an OC/KC outing and we HTHTed on the rooftop of NEX. Found out something really sweet and surprising too! Happy for the girl :)

School is starting soon, on a side note. Really don't want it to start yet :(

And really hope that my modules can be settled soon. I WANT TO GRADUATE ON TIME!!!!!!

頑張れ、ジョセリンよ！

post-camp blues

2011-07-07T18:36:00.000+08:00

It's almost a week since Ethelonter camp ended and I'm pretty much calmed down now. But I have to say, this is the best Ethelonter in my entire life! I STILL MISS EVERYONE! :'(

This has been the most enthusiastic, most bonded and most wacky committee I've ever been in. Whatever unhappiness I had with them at the beginning has dissolved into nothingness, because the good far exceeds whatever bad there has been!

I like how comfortable everyone is with everyone. I'll miss you all! :( Tomorrow's the last OC meeting aka review session, and followed with QGY, and it'll mark the end of Ethelonter 8. The end. How can it just end like that! I don't want it to end yet!!!!! Can't believe camp is over. Can't believe that everything is ending soon.

I keep saying that this is going to be my absolute last Ethelonter, but right now they're making things hard for me because my heart has wavered! HOW SIA! :( I've never missed anyone so much in my life. No specific person, but I miss the OC so much! All the things we've done together.... Those scary OC dance practices... And that night when everyone accompanied me and listened to me whine... The feeling that they are there when you need them, and when you need help can just ask. Where else to find?

Good and happy things aside. Speaking of my whining. I think guys really need to be more sensitive la. I know I already said that I've forgiven him and I do admit that I over-reacted a bit, but I just cannot forget the whole incident. It's easy to forgive but hard to forget. Don't think we will ever go back to being the same anymore. That's one friendship wasted and crushed into sand. Too bad.

I love my group too! :D I will remember our auntie and uncle jokes and our 5.30am dai di session! XD

Even wenhui, PD(!!!) for comp camp said that E8 is so much more fun than comp camp (my sentiments exactly haha xd) you can tell how fun and how perfect E8 has been. The people and the company really make a huge difference, I guess. All the guys there are mostly 好男人, er, I mean, all the people there are so nice! XD And yeah we had quite some fun spotting all the Good Men and Eye Candies. Btw, there's a difference between Good Man and Eye Candy ok. Lol. Some of them are so nice that I feel they are saints haha. And I naturally want to cut down on my meanness and try to be nicer to everyone too!

Anyway, speaking of comp camp. Eh seriously la freshies/GLs, you think we comm members wanna play SP meh. You think too much sia! Who in the world would enjoy playing SP (except guys), we were forced to, ok? Say until like we wanna play one. Somemore some of us are attached, you think they wanna play meh. Wakaoz. Seriously. Heard that some people were unhappy that comm members went to play SP instead of doing our job and executing the SP game. Seriously =.= WE WERE FORCED TO?!! D: This is seriously 好心没好报 sia. If I wanted to, I could have kicked up a scene and walked out from camp to show that I really don't want to play SP, but the PDs told me that it may be the freshie's first and only SP experience, don't want to ruin it for them bla bla what shit, that's why I (or rather, we) eventually agreed to play SP. Anyway you computing guys think you very hot material meh seriously. Who wanna play SP with you sia. =.= I rather play with CSC people. At least even if they don't have the looks they are 好男人 lol. Okay, saying that is a bit too much, because after all that's stereotyping and over-generalization (because I know quite a few good people from computing). But I don't care la~.

And that ends a chapter of my camping life.

And the start of my troubles. Module planning time. Don't want school to start yet D:

5 more days

2011-06-22T16:18:00.000+08:00

5 more days to CSC camp!

I can't wait!

Memories of when we first started out as a committee... How I found certain people irritating, and how some people talk too much without thinking through it first. But as we go through pre-camp together, trails, preparations, meetings, we got closer and more bonded, and got to know each other better.

Not to mention the abnormally high number of GM this year! XD

Looks like this will be the year when I will enjoy Ethelonter the most for the whole of my 3-4 years in university!

Post camp

2011-06-12T16:18:00.000+08:00

It has been a pretty emotional ride for me this week, so I shall sit down and slowly record my learning experience.

First of all, I went to camp on day 0 (Sunday) with an immensely heavy heart because I was convinced by Miss Toh that there is no other way other than to delay graduation by 2 full semesters. What would I do if I really had to? I don't know how to deal with it, the stigma and all. Plus the thought of not being able to graduate with all my peeps is depressing as well. On the bright side, I'd finally get time to do an internship. I'd also be able to take more modules to pull my CAP up. But when I graduate, how do I explain this to my employers?

Hi, I delayed graduation because I didn't bother to check requirements.

Who's going to employ such a careless worker? At least for now, I won't have to account for my slip-up because on the surface, I look like just any normal graduate. Right? :P

Anyway. Prof Leow was ten gazillion times nicer than Miss Toh. He listened to my problem and offered me solutions. Within half an hour and I am on my way to a four-year graduation. I even had time to ask him more questions about the modules. But, seriously I still think that the whole CM major is a major pile of bullshit. The syllabus is so messy and they keep making weird changes to it. Never mind. One more year :)

Okay, so, back to camp.

This is my first time attending a camp other than Ethelonter (NUS CSC camp). Things were... different. Everyone was a stranger to me. I had a hard time adapting. Camp comm people were really nice, and I'm grateful and appreciative of their efforts to make me feel like I belong. Thank you so much. Because of you guys, I don't regret joining this camp. But the OGLs are another matter altogether. Because I'm an unknown, they didn't bother to get to know me, and just kept sticking to the people that they already know. There was even an instance when I walked over wanting to say hi, and they just walked away. How traumatizing it was for me. This is a freaking camp. You guys are freaking OGLs. (Sigh) But of course, not all of them are like that. Exceptions always exist!

Apart from the people, the system that the camp runs on was an eye-opener to me. From it, I learnt one precious lesson: "Things don't just come into existence without effort." Honestly, a lot of things were so last-minute, and the camp was basically very unstructured and freestyle. It takes more than just capable people to put together and execute the whole camp smoothly and successfully, and I was kind of in awe of how the games cell managed to survive the camp. The director was... too lax. In my opinion, he was trying too hard to be a nice guy. And from my observation, he kind of has the mentality that things would fall into place with the snap of his fingers. Like, it was Saturday during pre-camp and he just suddenly told Marketing to "finalise all sponsors by Monday" when they only just started contacting sponsors like less than a week ago. Well, it is also weird why they didn't start contacting sponsors earlier, but anyway, what did he expect? Marketing to do magic? There were other instances but all suggest that he thinks things'll fall into place naturally. No, man, this isn't how things work! (sighs) And. The system was... also too lax. A lot of things were unconfirmed till the last minute, and also, many last minute changes were made on the spot. But of course, if compared to Ethelonter, it allows for way more room for creativity. Each to its own, I guess.

But anyway, now that camp is over, I just wanna say, "I hearts camp comm!" :D
When I joined, I had two objectives in mind that I wanted to achieve:

Beef up my portfolio - I designed 2 posters, 1 T-shirt, and helped a little with the website. Not a lot, but at least there's something. But I think I under-achieved on this one.
Integrate myself more into the SoC community - I hearts camp comm! Lol. But I am basically still quite unknown. Or rather, they know who I am but everyone shuns me. Never mind. I'm pretty much satisfied with what I have now.

Never quite expected myself to enjoy the camp despite falling sick during sentosa and developing an intense heat rash halfway through and being outcast by the GLs throughout the entire camp and being forced to play SP. Never expected to laugh like mad during the last night with the camp comm people. Never expected myself to develop post-camp syndrome as well.

ONWARDS TO THE NEXT CAMP!!! E8 is on the last week of June! Looking forward to it! :D

P.S. Got tired of all the spammers on my tagboard and decided to switch to comments. I'm using the new template now with all the "Gadgets" whatnot! I suddenly graduated from using blogskins.com ohmygosh. I hope I get used to this soon, or go learn CSS or something.

What does this lead to?

2011-06-04T23:36:00.000+08:00

Seeing how things are screwing themselves up and how I single-handedly screwed up my own schooling, I've been thinking, what is all this for? With the vast amount of pockets of free time I have right now, in between rushing for deadlines for my publicity work, I've waayyyyyyyyyy too much time on my hands and I just find my mind wandering, stumbling and tumbling from topic to topic and at the end of it all, when I snap back to reality, finding myself much more miserable than I could ever be.

How did my life end up this way? This wasn't how I had envisioned it to be three years ago when I stepped in to NUS as a freshman!

What went wrong?

Maybe I shouldn't have entered university in the first place. Someone else more deserving of the place could have gotten in should I have decided to skip university. Who knows, it might have been our next Mark Zuckerberg.

You know all that bullshit they say about following your dreams. I guess I really should have chosen my heart over my mind three years ago. Listening to your mind sucks. Decisions that you make after thinking them over always end up making you more miserable.

I'm not saying that I regret entering NUS totally. There have been good things that have happened to me, and inspiring and good people that I've managed to meet, as well as the chances that came my way which would never have happened if I hadn't come to NUS.

But something at the back of my mind just constantly nags at me, telling me that this is the wrong choice.

Regretting the path you have taken does not feel good at all. We all know that we should be positive, but things are easier said than done. Salvaging the situation does not seem to be an option for me at my current state.

Meeting the curriculum head of Computer Science on Monday to discuss and seal my destiny. Just at the mention of this, you should be able to gauge the severity of my current situation. No kidding, I've screwed up big time.

Thinking positively is easy. I can straight away snap into my usual cheery disposition like a light bulb with its switch turned on. But the shame will adhere itself to me, and the chiding from my parents is certain, and will certainly last me for a lifetime. I have yet to let my parents know. I'm too afraid of the consequences. Or rather, it's more like a form of escapism. If I don't tell them yet, it kind of doesn't feel official. Yet.

My heart has been sinking since being informed of the very unpleasant piece of news, and it's been sinking all the way, like there's no end to it. I believe there must be a black hole somewhere in me. There's just no end.

Some people think that it's the toughest when you have to pretend that all is fine in front of your loved ones even though you're feeling like shit in a cesspool, but I beg to differ. Should I have been left alone to feel and act as miserably as I feel, my depression is sure to kick in and god, who knows what might have happened to me. At least when you're pretending to be fine, you have this major distraction from your depression: acting.

And sometimes, when you put so much energy into acting like you're happy, you actually forget that you're sad and start believing that you're happy, even if it only lasts for a while.

Noob

2011-06-01T13:03:00.000+08:00

Always using your new catchphrases:
1. "Kill me please"
2. "Go and kill yourself please"
3. "Go and die please"

You think you're very cool huh?

And what's with all the "manzxc" it's not cool at all?

Sheesh. Teenagers.

You don't see the benefits of joining Pre-U sem, don't need to insult my intelligence right? I was offering you a piece of advice from the bottom of my heart. You're the mugger here who only sees benefits in studying and mugging for exams. Do you know that there's a much wider and more random world out there that studying and mugging does not prepare you for? Do you know what is a CCA record? I know it may seem very useless at this point of time, but if you only know how to prepare for exams and have zero extra curricular records then I doubt you'd get very fantastic job employments. And so I told you that you should have joined pre-U sem, because, hey, when you see the word Pre-U Sem on your resume it says SOMETHING about your JC life, doesn't it? It's like one of the most well-known events that JC students attend. Of course, you can also attend other stuff, like being in the committee of your CCA, or joining some competition or another, but girl, you have NONE of those. And when you are involved highly in CCAs you gain soft skill sets that you don't learn in the classroom. You see how ill-prepared you are?

When people see your resume, all they see of your JC life is your results and nothing else.

Of course, you can always fill up that hole when you enter university, but seeing how things are like right now, I doubt you will be involved in any CCA when you eventually get to university. It's your fucking mindset that's fucking screwed up, I say.

And honestly, you're not doing THAT well with your studies ANYWAY.

Time to stop acting cool and almighty and listen to a bit of advice from the one who has trudged the path? Even if you don't think alike there is no need to insult others, right?

SIGH.

Lesser being

2011-05-30T13:08:00.001+08:00

I'm a lesser being.

And nobody cares, seriously.

お久しぶり

2011-05-19T14:52:00.000+08:00

最近あまりブログ書かないよね。人生なんて、もう飽きちゃったな。何もしたくないけど、何もしないうちにうんざりしたりイライラしたりするから、時間を無駄にしたくない。けど、何もしたくないから、矛盾だね。

そうそう。今週の火曜、韓国語の授業が始まるよ。なんか楽しみにしてるね。ウォンちゃんと一緒に。あ、ウォンちゃんの従妹さんとも一緒に。仲良くなれるといいね。

最近、何をしてもすぐ飽きちゃう。やる気もなかなか出せない。

こんなあたしがなんか嫌いよね。いつもより嬉しくない自分が気に入らない。

この前もこうだったけど、もっと嬉しくて幸せだった気がする。

今はどこへ行っても居心地が悪い。

一生に眠り続けたいね…寝る時が一番幸せだもん。何も考えなくていい、誰とも喋らなくていい。誰が何を言っても構わなくていい。仲直りなんかしなくてもいい。一人きりでいても、寂しくないから。永遠の眠りに落ちたいなあ。

Ok I shall blog

2011-04-06T15:58:00.000+08:00

Been spamming twitter too much that when I totally forgot about my blog's existence. If you all wanna get spammed by me just go to my twitter la my whole freaking mundane life is literally all spelt out there. HAHA

Anyway, this year's Ethelonter is even more xiong than last year. Every meeting past 10pm. Are you kidding me, seriously!!! Sigh. Time management at its worst?

And, it is good that people give lots of suggestions, but can you screen your own suggestions before you speak them out, or at least process it with your brain before you spew it out la? Sheesh.

I think I'm really angrier than Angry Birds. Sigh. I have so much to complain about every single thing in my life. Where is my happy and optimistic side?! Do I even have one?!!

Must be because I'm too tired.

one MONTH since last post?!

2011-04-05T01:25:00.002+08:00

原来我也会有这么一天啊

damn pissed

2011-03-06T02:26:00.002+08:00

looks liek these days i only blog when i'm pissed.

and today i'm pissed too.

whatever.

the whole world pisses me off and i piss the whole world off. i should move to space.

bitching long overdue

2011-02-25T23:54:00.000+08:00

i AM allowed to bitch here right? this is after all my bitching corner right?

these insensitive bastards... do they know how much I have to do over how little time? do they understand that drawings and ideas do not appear at the snap of the fingertips? what the fuck do they know?

what the fuck la. why do i have to work myself so hard for such bastards. they are simply not worth my time and effort.

go die go rot in hell... and be prepared for harsh comments during holidays when we have to "provide feedback" for your programme, because i will "provide constructive comments" like how you did. wait. i think you're not even worth my time participating in your dumb little trails so i'd just skip all the trails for your one single programme and happily attend the other programmes. because you are not worth my time and effort.

tata.

Things to say

2011-02-24T22:01:00.000+08:00

Some people are just so hard to satisfy. I feel like giving up all over again.

And.

There are a few people whom I have things to say to. But it's not the right time yet. When we graduate I'll let you know. Everything.

i have some explaining to do

2011-02-23T00:24:00.000+08:00

there are always some stuff that i need to explain to others. i feel the urge so badly. but then again when i think about it. it'll only makes things worse/awkward.

and so i drop the idea.

hell tired

2011-02-17T23:19:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, I start to think about just what the hell have I been doing for the past 21 years of my life. Not that I've never thought of this before, but the frequency has been really high these days. I always dwell on negative thoughts when I'm tired or sad. And I'm tired and/or sad for at least 5 days a week due to my hectic schedule these days. Explains the frequency, doesn't it?

And at times like these I really wish I have someone I can call and talk about it to. But then again, I am one who doesn't like to disturb others too much because we all have our own lives to live and our own troubles and fears to struggle with. I guess this is the only time when I'm not selfish.

Last GAW meeting on monday and I cannot go. Stupid tuition. I wish I can quit but then the money's good. Won't be long before I get fired anyway, I guess. It always happens.

I'm so tired right now. There's so much I need to do. I'm so tired right now.

I wish there's a restart button, and then I can live my life all over again.

If I could, I would learn to work harder from the start, I would avoid all those wrong choices I have made, I would learn to control my temper, I would know which people to avoid, I would know that being shy only brings disadvantages, I would learn to think four times before speaking, I would learn to have more confidence, I would learn not to judge people, I would learn how to love more and hate less, I would know that I should pursue my dreams and not give it up and conform for the sake of what society says and expects, I would learn to speak more to my parents and build up a better relationship, I would learn how to be better to friends who deserve it more than anybody else, I would learn to be a leader and not just a follower, I would learn to be creative, beautiful, confident, mature, intelligent, hardworking, loving, caring, strong, and I would be happy.

I want to relive my life all over again from the very start.

what was it that i was supposed to do again?

2011-02-13T23:42:00.001+08:00

Now that I've finished the basics of my CG assignment, I can't remember what else I am supposed to be doing. It's like my brain Alt+F4 on all my important tasks to save me from being brainfried.

Shall sleep early tonight!!! Been having frequent 4-hour-sleep days recently.

regret

2011-02-12T21:24:00.002+08:00

please, please, please don't make me regret my decision. stop pushing beyond the lines because soon you shall cross my limit and you will bloody damn get it from me.

Effing bitch

2011-02-10T22:51:00.001+08:00

This is the attitude one gives when asking for a favor. Very good. I'm already dead tired I can hardly keep myself awake. I have two camp commitments running concurrently where one of the camps my cell members are as good as non-existent. I have piles of readings undone piles of tutorials that I haven't even open the file to read yet. And I just reached home. I'm hungry I'm tired I'm stressed. First thing you say to me is TEACH ME PHYSICS. hello miss. Do I look like I would still remember my physics? And in the first place it is such a simple question of deriving the units leh. You dare to tell me you forgot what is the units for mass? It's blardy KG lah what the fuck?! You don't even know this?! You dont know and yet you dont know how to go find out what it is? You want me to spoonfeed you? Are you kidding me? And what the ass is that attitude of yours? Like I owe you something like that. Can I tell you something? Did I bloody had anyone to teach me all these when I went to JC? Can you be more fucking independent or not sheesh! You ask me for a favor and you're like slamming stuff and demanding things from me. Fucking test my patience. Idiot! Go die in your fucking SAJC lah Kns!

say wut?

2011-02-07T18:56:00.000+08:00

Bwahaha. I hope things turn out fine tomorrow. I'm kind of scared, a little nervous, a tad afraid, but very excited. Add extremely sleepy? I feel like I can drop dead anytime soon.

And I'm worried about my health lately. For what they say, "Health is a person's greatest wealth". Even more than youth. I have to do something about it. Ta-ta, tuition time.

P.S. And I think my blog is... getting less and less personal lol. Is this what they call the "withdrawal" symptom? HAHA.

Chinese New Year and updates

2011-02-04T21:50:00.000+08:00

So, Chinese New Year's day has come and passed. Nothing much too say except that it's getting more and more boring, and the rich ~~brats~~ kids are getting more and more monstrous and out of hand. I really hate kids now. HATE them.

This year round my mom allowed us to keep the angpows that we get from our cousin's relatives. The ones that we get from our relatives (which hold at least 10x the value per packet) is, as usual, kept by my mom to "recover losses". It saddens me that I don't get to keep my angpow money, but then again, I guess it's fine because I can live without that money anyway. Plus if I ever really need any money I can always ask her for it. Plus besides, I am earning quite a sum on my own, too, teaching tuition to those two monsters. I won't say it's a lot, but at least it sustains my lifestyle for now.

Went to watch Shaolin with my family today, before that we had lunch at Sakae sushi.

Shaolin is an awesome movie in my opinion. However, after taking Communications and Media modules, you'll come to think that it's not exactly that fantastic anyway. It's full of "cheap thrills" and is "easy to interpret"; in other words, commercial mass-produced junk. But anyway it was still an awesome movie because I am, after all, your average consumer who enjoys cheap thrills. Lol.

Sakae is nice, a little expensive, but it's fine. Public holiday, so no buffet. One plate of sushi costs $1.99, how horrible. Where are the days when it only costed 60cents? Was going to treat my family by paying the bill, but weird things happened and my mom ended up paying for it. I tried to give her cash but she refused to take it. Oh well.

And throughout the past few days, several childish idiots kept popping up and irritating me in every way possible. Plus I'm also in an easily-irritated mood. But I thought that I should learn to have higher EQ and grow up and be more mature, so I put up with their nonsense. So proud of myself now LOL. But the fact that I am bringing this up shows that I need more training. Okay, whatever.

There are a few other stuff that I'd like to write about but I'm not very comfortable with sharing it here.

And thus,

Until I write again!

Aloha~

2011-01-23T01:25:00.000+08:00

Japanese class bbq tomorrow at Nagami sense's house! Whee, we're going to burn his house down haha.

On a side note, GLUT is such a bitch to install and setup. So it Visual C++.

Interview

2011-01-21T00:49:00.000+08:00

Went for Ethelonter 8 (CSC camp) organising committee interview today. Applied for the publicity head position.

Not sure if I'm doing what's right, because I've never joined two camp organising committees simultaneously in one sem before in my whole life. But both are pub positions so maybe things'll turn out fine? Beef up my portfolio ma. Or so they say.

But to speak the truth, I have not reached the goal that I've set for myself when I decided to join SoC Camp comm. The main goal was not just to build up my portfolio (I can easily do that with the many CSC projects going on); it was also to integrate myself into the computing community, but I'm not even barely making it work. Not that I haven't been putting in any effort to make relationships work, but somehow they just fall apart before I even start. I reckon it's got something to do with mindset, because I judge and label them as COMPUTING before I even get to know them. It's not that I can't socialise, because I can do so perfectly well when in CSC. And the computing people haven't actually rejected me or anything, I doubt I even gave them the chance to, they don't even know me.

I need to know them. I need to let them know me.

Conclusion of the day is that I'm just not stepping out of my comfort zone enough.

'Nuff said. Genes & Society tomorrow with my computing publicity cell mates. Hope it goes well.

Dear Ah Pok

2011-01-18T23:54:00.000+08:00

THIS is what I meant when I told you what I told you on the bus.

You don't have to be so anal

2011-01-18T23:50:00.000+08:00

It's just one friggin cardigan. You have so many other jackets, blazers, and I even gave you my cardigan, must you be so anal and rummage through the whole house like a bulldozer and destroy everything in sight just to find that ONE friggin cardigan?

Besides, it's really your own fault that you're always misplacing your stuff. And when I say always, I MEAN ALWAYS. Kick that habit of yours and you might find your life a lot easier.

OH, and. I'm thinking of shifting to tumblr. Besides, I already have an account there. Maybe I'll just do both sides. If you want you can try finding my tumblr. It's not that hard, if you know me.

Bored but don't feel like doing anything

2011-01-17T17:22:00.000+08:00

What do you do when there are those awkward moments when you've said something you shouldn't? Things are so awkward between me and another friend that.. I don't know what to say.

Oh well. Anyway.

Today I went to CG lecture again, feeling damn lonely cos I'm taking it alone, and damn awkward cos there ARE people whom I know there but are not close with. And to add on to that, I was 1 hour 15 minutes late for lecture. 20 minutes after I sat down, the lecture ended early. So I ended up only attending 20 minutes of class, but to comfort myself, I really paid full attention during that 20 minutes and managed to bring home some knowledge. So lecture ended, and I started to leave the LT. And guess what? Somehow or another, as if a spirit has possessed my body, I very jovially approached all those people whom I knew but was not close with and very gung-ho-ly said HIII!!! YOU ALSO TAKING THIS MODULE?!

Omg. I must have been possessed. But the people, 3 different groups of them actually (Yes, I did the same thing THRICE, where the hell did I get the courage), all of them responded as jovially as I had greeted them. Ah, the pleasant surprises that stepping out of your comfort zone brings. Not awkward. I'm happy.

I hope I keep this up!

And, after class, I met up with my sis for lunch and shopping at Lot 1! And finally finished my CNY shopping. Can't wait for CNY to wear all my new clothes! I DO hope that they actually fit me though. I don't wanna look like a clown.

And this thursday, I'm going for an interview! For ethelonter haha. This time I'm just going to join by myself, I guess. I do hope that you all would join with me, but seeing the exponential decline in interest, maybe I'll just casually ask and not persuade. Haha.

Now, slipping back to the awkward situation between me and my friend. Hmmmmmmm. Guess she'll just forget about it a few days later. Haha. Next time I shall think four times before speaking. Apparently, thrice does not suffice.

Hope I get all my tutorial slots! IF NOT.... OMG I DON'T EVEN WANNA THINK ABOUT IT.

Otaku blood

2011-01-16T20:51:00.000+08:00

Went to "see" my grandma today at the ... what do you call it? Shrine place? Not sure. Anyway.

Met up with my cousins and aunts whom I have not met since... Chinese new year last year.
And found out that... My youngest cousins, who are almost 10 years younger than me, HAVE TURNED OTAKU ZOMG. And it's really awkward when you find out on facebook that they like all the same anime as you do. Cardcaptor Sakura, Ouran High, Naruto... OMG. DAMN FRIGGIN AWKWARD.

You see, you see. It runs in the blood! I have a cousin who is, uh, around 5 years older than me, and she used to be otaku too when she was in her teens. IT RUNS IN THE BLOOD!!!

I am not an otaku by choice! I am one by blood! LOL. Making excuses.

And I don't want to be an otaku can. Please. But then by doing so, I am denying my blood.

What the shit. This post totally screams otaku. I'm going to end it here because it's only making things worse. Shall go and do homework. At least homework is not otaku at all.

Jap ktv

2011-01-09T13:30:00.001+08:00

Jap ktv last week was fun haha but I forgot to blog about it cos I was busy being depressed about the coming semester.

This would be our third time there. Something different from the past two times is that whilst the past two times we sang mostly arashi and a select few jpop songs followed by Chinese songs after that, making it feel like an arashi worshipping session, this time round we are almost like otakus lol. And we reminisced a lot of our childhood cartoons haha. Like Pokemon and doraemon and cardcaptor Sakura! Too bad don't have mojacko. So fun! And the highlight of the session is that we sang THREE whole times the one piece opening song, We Are!

But arashi still took up roughly 50% of the songs. Hey, arashi rocks ok!!!

Best part of it would be the fact that it is a flat rate and you can sing as long as you want provided nobody else wants to use the room!

Ok time to go back into depression.

-- iPhoneから送信

School is starting, school is starting, school is startiiiiiing

2011-01-08T17:51:00.000+08:00

ARGH. Don't want school to start. It's going to be a shit sem this time. Dread it so much. Haiz

Let you have a peek at my rough timetable and you'll agree with me that it's a shit sem.

Look at my freaking monday!!!!! Sighs. And so many 6 hour back-to-backs! And the modules are all so damn friggin hard!! Especially my computing ones. Die. How am I going to survive through this semester?

I wish I can start all over again from year 1.

Well, at least there's Jap to look forward to. Sigh.

Happy 2011

2011-01-01T11:25:00.000+08:00

Happy 2011. Not going to make new year resolutions, because it's silly.
Instead, I'm going to state down what I hope to see in this new year.

I hope my mother would be more considerate and sensitive, and less childish.
I hope I will be able to stick to my lectures and tutorials.
I hope my sister can get less than 10 points for her O'Levels.
I hope yeos can take honours :P
I hope bear and frog take honours too :P
I wish for wongs to get honours
I hope I get sick less this year
I hope I get to bond with my camp committee(s)
I hope it will be a fruitful year
I hope everyone will be happier than last year

I'm hungry now so

I hope for lunchtime to arrive soon

things that happened in december 2010

2010-12-30T19:44:00.000+08:00

so many things happened in this one month that i'm going to squeeze everything and briefly go through everything

first of all, gaw!

things went smoothly and our wishes got adopted fast, which was a good thing because then we had time to slack and bond haha! everytime they say, "good job, pub", i will secretly smile but then deep in my heart i know that most of the 功劳 goes to wanyan. but i shall still feel happy because i am, after all, part of pub, and i did contribute! :D

next up, seoul garden! it was a double birthday celebration for me and wongs! at first i thought that i have the best surprising secret gift for wongs (the yamamoto poster that i drew) and then i found out that i was wrong! i was so shocked to receive a chopper poster drawn by yeos! haha! especially when it is so well drawn even though normally her drawings are those =.= sho-chan standard drawings! haha thanks yeos!! :D and i really also didn't expect that fronia and bear went early to put cake at seoul garden their fridge there. haha surprises いっぱい！that day was a super happy day :D afterwards during gaw fronia also gave me a birthday card that she drew herself. on it she wrote a lot of things, like how we first became friends, and our current situation, felt a bit touched, but dunno how to reply her. shall keep it properly :D

then it's taiwan!

my mom is really damn sibei childish can. can't stand her sometimes. and she keeps wearing those super tight shirt that is supposed to be a 衛生衣 but she wear it outside. damn gross. and she kept saying stuff that piss other people off. and she keep thinking she is a queen like that make us carry all her stuff. and she very no limit also, anyhow buy buy buy until got one day we not enough money you know. she bought damn lots of cosmetics but she don't allow me to buy any clothes. she don't allow me to to buy clothes but she went to buy herself. she went to buy two whole cartons of instant noodles, you tell me she siao or not. then she also huh, went to the international taipei flora expo and made a big scene there, quarrelling with the volunteer there, damn embarrassing you know. kanasai. i never ever wanna go overseas with her again.

other than that the trip was quite fun cos we ate a lot of nice food. if i had to sum it all up in one word it will be : "food". oh and we also went to this mountain top where i spent my birthday there. the sky there is freaking blue. i swear i don't even need to use photoshop and it is already ultra blue. i even suspect that i might need to photoshop it to make it less blue if not very eye piercing. lol!!

and this was also the first winter that i can remember. in the past i have also experienced winter but i don't remember it anymore because i was too young at that time. sometimes it is damn freaking cold. but i like. i like cold haha. i rather cold than hot really.

but my mother huh. she damn selfish and inconsiderate. she cough never cover mouth one you know. plus she always make a lot of noises, like snoring, or put down stuff or take plastic bag, i didn't have a good night's sleep for all the days i was there. and eventually i also fell sick. thank you mom.

suan le. let's not talk about that irritating _.

k so now i am back! i bought gifts for everyone but i think that the stuff that i bought aren't very appropriate leh. like nothing to do with taiwan. and they aren't any expensive gifts cos i was only given SGD100 to spend but on that day that she ran out of money it got taken back by her. so in actual fact i only have like what. less than sgd50. and i used around 25 to buy an arashi cd. hate my mom. grr.

anyway. so after i came back i was busy with two things: soc foc pub and watching of videos. ok the second one doesn't really count haha. ok busy with bidding then.

for the soc foc pub stuff... can say that i am quite proud of what i produced. because to tell the truth can say that is i come up with the idea and i draw out the thing as well. so about 90% of the idea came from me. 100% drawn by me. and the top few said they like it. so i feel happy. haha. i don't really like how this camp comm works. it's like, there's no cell head one leh. everyone in the pub cell is called pub I/C. there's no head or assistant. very hard to do things like that, i feel. anyway i've decided to stick on la. cos somemore i'm going to take genes and society with my other pub cell members as well as the director himself. we shall see how this turns out, i guess!

and so, plans for next week are:

4th- soc camp meeting at all the way far away at east coast cos they wanna have chalet and bbq. you bbq yourself i go meeting and zao myself. byez.
5th- jap ktv with yang and wei! :DDDDDDDDDD WE ARE!

no more plans.

shit i still haven't contact my tuttee about the tuition. lol!! die... do i have tuition tomorrow or not sia? need to check with them. but i don't feel like giving tuition on new year's eve leh. it's new year's eve leh. tuition what sai. no mood la. oh well. for the sake of $$$.

plus i need to save up for our japan trip this coming summer!!! hope i can save up to at least 3K. 1K for air tickets. 0.7K~1K for accomodation. 0.7K~1K for food. see, i don't even have enough to buy souveniors. dammit. shall see what i can do.

JLPT and many other stuff

2010-12-05T20:24:00.000+08:00

Exams are finally over! Since last week.

Anyway!

So on the day of our last exams, I went to vivo with Yanleng, Seng Lien and Yue Ting to buy Gong Cha! After that I went home la and they went to watch Haliputa (which I've already watched with poks and wongs after our philo paper!). I didn't know lien is scared of cats to the extent that a picture of hello kitty can make her scream! lololol.

And then. The next day I spent it at home, sleep all I want, watch anime all I want, play maple all I want. Just like an otaku. HAHA!

Thursday we were supposed to go out... But some miscomm happened (or rather I miscommed) and we didn't go out in the end.

Friday we went out! To Old Ford Factory with wongs and poks! FUN! But tiring. Slept on the bus to bugis, and then there we met up with Yeos! Shopped. Yeos and Poks bought a lot of stuff! I bought a beanie-thing. Which I shall wear when I'm in Taiwan! :D And we drank Koi! :D Happy happy.

Saturday was spent at home too.

And then today, we went for our JLPT N4 exam! Didn't study... Actually most of it is Jap3 level standard, so nothing much to worry about... Except that my blood was boiling because the room that I was in had a effing lousy sound system, the CD didn't play properly, my listening gone! If it had played properly I would've scored full marks, please. Such unfairness. It's like

"Tenki ga ii kara sampo shimashou"

became

" enki a ikara ampo imasho "

wth?!

And the so-called proctor (dunno why give him such a nice title, just call him invigilator cannot meh?) pretended that the system was working well wth... ask him go and die.

HAIZ. But I think I will still score pretty well, just not full marks. Oh well. Whatever la, get the cert and pat pat butt and leave lol. I'll try to take the level N3 exam next year too. And score full marks for it muhaha.

Best thing is Wongs seemed to have done quite well too! Yippee, wongs! See, you can do it! Even though you didn't take Jap4! :D And yeos, obviously found the whole paper like peanuts like that damn easy.

Next year we shall conquer N3! Better still, if we got guts straight away take N2 la! HAHA!

And thanks to frog and bear who wished us good luck!! Ah pok didn't lor tsk tsk ah pok... I know you will read this some day haha. Ah pok, why never wish us good luck! Tsk tsk. HAHA!

Damn high now cos JLPT was easy and is over. And Guess What!

One more week to Taiwan!!! AND!!! Plans for the week:

Monday - GAW
Tuesday - Wongs and my birthday celebration! SEOUL GARDEN MY LONG LOST LOVE! And going to Editor's Market at cine too! I think pok and yeo are going to splurge damn lots again haha!
Wednesday - GAW
Thursday - GAW
Friday - free? Might have to prepare for Taiwan
Saturday - free. Preps for TW
Sunday - Take off!

Yeay... And about the comp camp comm huh. Seriously leh. Last minute change of meeting time still not enough. You know how they organise chalet one? Never ask when we prefer, just settle the date on their own. Then you also cannot say you cannot go, cos they are going to have comm meeting on the first day at the chalet. Smart move. I don't think I will go for the chalet. Probably just go for the meeting. Lol. Actually I have a strong urge to just pull out. I don't really like the people there. and I'm not used to their way of doing things either. But my inner voice tells me it's irresponsible to do so, so I shall stick on.

Besides, it's one more row to add into my resume in the future.

Japanese

2010-11-28T15:15:00.001+08:00

Sometimes when I feel bored, or unmotivated, I take a look at my Japanese textbooks/notes/exam papers, and gain that TINY bit of motivation. Just enough to get my engine started :D

I'll never regret having taken Japanese in NUS... Even if it meant taxing school hours, overloading of modules, not enough break time... Well, I guess the decision to take Japanese is the best decision I have ever made in the whole of my life.

SHINING　RAY

2010-11-24T17:35:00.000+08:00

どこに向かって　走れば　もっと素敵な明日に逢える？
舵を取って　胸にしまった　軌跡の地図を広げた

空を目指して　夢を探して　道に迷ったときもある
夢じゃなくて　君と出会って　素敵な自分を見つけた

小さな勇気から　大きなもの手にした
「願い」を今こそ「誓い」に変えて

Shining ray find your brand new way
未来の物語を描こう
新しい風にすべての思い乗せて　今

Shining ray find your brand new way
A never ending journey to be together
どこまでも追いかけて　Shining ray

もう…

2010-11-20T02:25:00.000+08:00

諦めてもいいのかな？
諦めればいいかしら？
諦めたら大丈夫のかな？

ああ、本当に諦めたい。

More money making opportunities yeay

2010-11-19T22:39:00.000+08:00

My tutee's mom just asked me if I wanna teach them EMS too, on top of Chinese!

More money for me to make! Happy!

study!

2010-11-18T13:13:00.001+08:00

need...
to...
focus...
argh...
iphone...
argh!!!

a productive day

2010-11-15T20:20:00.000+08:00

went to bpp starbucks to study with poks and wongs today.

quite productive!!!

sis came halfway and sat with us to play facebook on her itouch. lol. today's her last day of exams ma.

well, tomorrow we are going to study together again! :D

i need to focus

2010-11-14T18:22:00.001+08:00

i

need

to

focus!!!

oh yeah and i totally forgot about my 30 day blogging challenge post for yesterday. guess i'll just blog 2 posts for today.

iphone 4 haha

2010-11-13T17:24:00.000+08:00

yea i am super happy. let me show off haha!

had my project demo today in school. went ok i guess! that marks the end of my semester officially! now all that's left is to study for the exams SIGH...

after that went to eat at sumo house with my family. later on we headed to bencoolen then after that went to square 2 where we bought gong cha!

later going to eewei's birthday party at cck!
haven't seen eewei and kaiyu for ages. and pok and wongs too!

on the other side, there's some people that really piss me off. go away la. 不是只有你会讨厌人家没想过别人也会讨厌你吗？

小小的幸福

2010-11-10T01:55:00.000+08:00

我常常會埋怨自己為甚麼老是遇見爛人
為甚麼我媽媽是這樣的人
為甚麼小組裡面的人會又這樣的人出現
為甚麼我的組長會是個什麼都不會,什麼能力都沒有的人
為甚麼那些人那麼沒禮貌
為甚麼有些人,我明明為她付出了那麼多,卻反而被他埋怨,被她恨
為什麼那個人老是只會往壞處想

但是最近
不知道是不是運氣轉好了
遇到了好多好多好人
好到我無法一言而盡

想想看,還發現了許多原本就已經在身邊,對我好的人,或是會為別人而不顧一切的付出的人

想想看,我認識的好人多過我遇見的爛人,多了好多好多倍

我也是幸福的人
這就是我小小的幸福

本人華語不好,詞庫又小,請多多見諒

week12

2010-11-03T19:45:00.001+08:00

i want so badly to rest...
but i have so many things due tomorrow...
and i have a mountain of dishes waiting for me to clean them
but my family just won't be understanding enough.

i sigh.

Deadline Thursday

2010-11-02T20:01:00.000+08:00

I normally look forward to Thursdays, but not this week. There's philo essay, 3103 assignment, 3103 demo, and 3103L end of module test all on Thursday. I wish I can die on Wednesday night so that I don't have to do all those. Sians. Urgh.

Anyway. Tomorrow I am going to head home straight after tutorial what come may. Pfft.

Sigh

2010-10-31T19:09:00.001+08:00

That's all I can say.

I eternally dislike coding

2010-10-28T10:56:00.001+08:00

I dislike coding because I'm bad at it.

Sigh.

Probably the real thing that I dislike is myself.

Ohisashiburi

2010-10-26T23:57:00.000+08:00

Feels like ages since I last blogged.

Been busy I guess? I always don't have enough time. I really need to learn to manage my time properly. The way I'm doing things now can hardly be called managing time. Most of the time I'm just wasting my time doing stuff that I'm not supposed to do, and not doing stuff that I'm supposed to do. This is what we call procrastination.

Add that on to the fact that I'm just a plain incapable idiot who can't even do simple tasks...

Which adds on to my list of abilities. On top of being a procrastinator, I also do escapism.

Things are not looking good no matter how I see it.

I just hope for this sem to quickly pass. I no longer aim to get honours, I've already reached the state whereby it's enough for me to just graduate.

Sigh... Why have things turned out to be like that?

One of those odd moments where I think I feel happy

2010-10-14T17:27:00.000+08:00

Just had a "early-dinner" with jingwen!

Had koi today without having to queue cos I bought it from science Love Export booth!

Haha.

And only one more class from 6-7 before I enter my weekly long-weekend! And tomorrow we're gonna eat swensen's to celebrate my dad's birthday! and my last lesson of the week is japanese TC. cool.

And anyway yesterday went to lot1 with pok and wongs to accompany pok buy formal wear for her formal presentation. hee.

finally heard frog's violin haha! super nice! play by ear only somemore!

oh and yeo's radio voice recording, the voice super high and sharp HAHA but still can tell that it is her.

It was a happy week. If only if it would last! If only every week was as happy as this.

And shit lah, i keep watching anime these days. Otaku liao. Need to watch drama instead...

私がいるよ

2010-10-09T22:26:00.001+08:00

私がいるよ I'm here

翻訳してみまーす。いい曲だと思うから。特に歌詞が好きなの。この曲の歌詞の意味は恋人に送らなくても、友達に送ってもかなり似合うでしょう。
I'm going to try translating this, because I think it's a nice song, and I especially like the lyrics. I think this song does not necessarily refer to lovers, and can be dedicated to friends to, so here you go!

If some of it seems weird, I apologize... There are quite a few terms which I don't get. Plus my English also very powderful also. Hope you like the song anyway.

Paiseh I already tried my best to find a video with the full song that does not have anime in it... Haha.

Ok enjoy the song! :D

私がいるよ
(I'm here!)

大きな声で　笑って　イイ気なもんね
(Laughing loudy, it's a good feeling isn't it?)
傘もないのにどしゃ降り　目も当てられない
(Even without an umbrella, the downpour won't hit our eyes)

赤いシグナル　点滅　立ち止まって
(The red signal light, it flashed, and we stopped in our tracks)
君は迷って　一歩も　踏み出せないで
(You lost your way, and cannot even take another step forward)

いつかもらった　下手な鼻歌より　威力はないけど
(Although I have even less power than the lousy humming that I received someday)
ちょっとゆるんだ　ネジを巻くよ
(I can still tighten a loose screw (?))

私がいるよ　ああ　愛しい人ねえ　ずっと抱いていてあげる
(I'm here, ah, the person I love, I'll always embrace you)

波がさらった　小さな砂のお城
(That little sandcastle that got kidnapped by the waves)
流れる雲を見上げて　泣きそうな笑顔
(Gazing up at the floating clouds, a smile that looks like it would break out in tears)

もしも世界中に　敵しかいないなら　背中をまかせて
(If there are only enemies in the world, I've got your back)
信じる気持ちを忘れないで
(Don't ever forget this feeling of believing)

私がいるよ　ああ　愛しい人ねえ　すっと抱いていてあげる
(I'm here, ah, the person I love, I'll always embrace you)
私がいるよ　ああ　優しい歌ねえ　届け　二人のために
(I'm here, ah, a gentle song, let's reach out, for the sake of the two of us)

そうだ　明日晴れたら　行こう　見せてあげる
(That's right, if tomorrow's a sunny day, let's go! I'll show it to you)

空も海も全部　ああ　キラキラ　きれいね　君を愛しているから
(The sky, and the sea, and everything, ah, they're shining. Isn't it beautiful? It's because I love you)
いつも　そばにいつも　ああ　愛しい人ねえ　ずっと　ずっと　ずっと
(Always, by your side, always, ah, the person I love, forever forever forever)

私がいるよ　二人のために
(I'm here, for the sake of two of us)
私がいるよ (I'm here)
私がいるよ (I'm here)

midterm test tomorrow

2010-10-08T21:52:00.002+08:00

I dislike computing. They like to have midterm tests three-quarters into the semester, and they like to have it on weekends too.

Sigh.

Why should I tell you what my dreams are when all you do is mock me for all I am worth?

2010-10-06T19:04:00.000+08:00

Some people who have no life think that everybody else is as no-life as they are.

Talk about me not planning for the future. Saying that I am not doing anything that is useful for after I graduate. Saying that I have no aims, no targets, no dreams. BULLSHIT CAN.

Who the freak is the one who does not allow me to go CCA. Can I slap her over her oily, fat face and scratch her and pull all her hair out? Why does she think that I don't have dreams, don't have aims. On what grounds did she think that I don't ever think about what I want to do in the future? Aren't I working hard at it now, trying out all kinds of publicity roles so that I can build up my portfolio for when I graduate? Isn't it all for the sake of my resume as well? Isn't this also what we call, networking? In what sense is this not "planning for the future". She has the cheek to say that I don't ever think of what I want to do for the future. Please. I have my own dreams, my own plans, why should I ever speak to her about it when all she will do is mock me for all I am worth? In the first place it's already bad enough that she never ever has anything good to say about me, but all she ever does is talk bad about everything about me. My looks, my grades, my personality, my character, my everything. And I know that it's all because she has nothing better to do, and needs to stamp on other people's worth to make herself feel superior.

On studies, she does not understand how difficult it is for me to study this computing shit. I am trying very hard to stabilise my CAP, but she knows not a shit about it. If she knows not a shit about it then what gives her the right to say anything about it? She can only see those numbers on my result slip and criticise me like I'm some kind of bird shit. Sorry ok, if I'm bird shit then you are at best also a stupid fucking bird, since I came out from your butt.

Scold me and say that I wake up straight away switch on computer? At least I spend some of the time doing something productive aka schoolwork? Not like you? You wake up, brew coffee, take a bath, then switch on com, also no better than me, at most a half an hour interval. But you spend your whole day in front of the computer, doing what? FACEBOOK. kns. Say people say yourself please.

Who is the one who has no life here. At least I interact with real people on a regular basis. I go out and meet new people. I go out and produce something and contribute to the society. I have my own plans as to what to do in the future. I have a bright future ahead, unlimited options I can take, because I am young. Not like her. Only has "MSN friends" and "facebook friends". The only real people she interacts with are her own family and the hawkers and stallholders when she buys stuff from them. Talk about pathetic. No more future to talk about for her also, since she is already stuck to her computer and already so old and useless. Still dare to say I very cham. Saying yourself is it?

Old, useless, ugly, no fashion sense, fat, and don't know how to properly interact with people. I really pity her.

headache

2010-10-04T19:35:00.000+08:00

i've got a headache now. sigh.

why do birds suddenly appear everytime you are near
just like me they long to be close to you
why do stars fall down from the sky everytime you walk by
just like me they long to be close to you

on the day that you were born the angels got together, and decided to create a dream come true
so they sprinkled moondust in your hair
of gold and starlight in your eyes are blue

aish. i need soothing songs to make my day.

ok happy thing of the day. only had japanese TA today. e-learning week lol. afterwards went to queue for koi with yeos heh.

ok one piece! and projects.

Summary of the week

2010-10-01T15:21:00.000+08:00

Yesterday we had a few things going on

CS3103 assignment deadline
CS3103 project demo
Waseda Shibuya interaction session
GEM1004 essay deadline

So, number 1 and 4 I somehow managed to pull through. The problem lied with 2 and 3.

First of all, I have to regretfully say that the project demo was a total disaster for me. I had not contributed a single thing to it, and it was pretty obvious. I was prepared to really just receive a zero if need be. But things turned out the other way round and it made me feel really guilty. I admit that I went to the toilet a few times after to "release my emotions" if you get what I mean. But I've got to pick myself up from now on, because a computing student who can't code is one of the biggest jokes ever in the universe. To mark my determination, I have picked up a book on C programming today from the library! But unfortunately I picked the wrong book because it still doesn't really explain pointers to me, aka it's a very vague book written for people who are already quite good at programming. It's ok, google is my best friend, as always.

But anyway, soon-san was really nice and queued for Koi with me after the project demo at around 8.++pm all the way till 9plus! We queued for like 40mins, wait for the tea around 10mins. Almost a whole hour! Thanks... I really did cheer up quite a significant amount thereafter :D

Oh yeah and the interaction session, it didn't really go very well for our group, because

I was still very depressed and bothered by the project demo at that time
The two girls assigned to our group are super chio but super quiet and not very talkative
I am already not very close with the few in my group. Sigh, yeo, Sigh, soon-san. SIGH, WONGS. If you all were in my group it would have definitely gone much better :( ESP WONG. HAIZ.

And in the end I asked for their facebook but one say don't have, the other gave me but I cannot find at all aka I think she gave us the wrong one. Probably too awkward or something then she don't want to give bah.

Anyway that was my eventful yesterday.

Did I mention about the Taiwanese girl in my NM tutorial? Haha. She's a damn zai person from 成功大學 you know? And her English is also damn zai for a Taiwanese. Plus she's super friendly too.

Oh and. Yeos should cheer up! :D

Oh and. I really want to play a duet one day. Guitar also can, Violin also can, Double Piano duet also can. 何でもいいから！Piano players are always lonely people because piano is mainly solo. Want join orchestra also cannot. Ji lonely yi xia. If you've watched Nodame you would know what I mean.

Ok later got tuition so now is get ready time. ta-ta-!

我成長了嗎?

2010-09-29T13:04:00.000+08:00

Less afraid (but still afraid) of being alone
Less afraid to speak to strangers
More able to make friends in tutorials that I'm attending alone
Ok with going home alone, eating alone, walking alone, taking classes alone
Can speak up in tutorials, even if I sound dumb, at least I spoke and earned my participation points
Can speak up normally in project groups containing of people whom I don't know at all
Will take some initiative instead of being passive all the time

I'd say I've grown a little compared to last year. I'd credit it to being in GAW.

But then again, these are what normal people can already do at age 12. Sheesh. Grow up lah, Jocelyn.

それと　you wanna be my friend?

2010-09-26T21:18:00.000+08:00

I forgot to blog about the last wish collection at Minds LGS. Somehow it was very tiring for me, I guess it's the length of time. Super early in the morning have to wake up to go Commonwealth. Ahhaha.

Anyway, the kids there are also cute, but I couldn't understand them most of the time so it's kind of sad.

Oh well...

Oh yeah, and to grief over the end of Hitman Reborn, I've officially taken up One Piece as the substitute because it's a freaking 476 episodes and going. I do hope that they'll have an OVA or movie or something; better still, come out with Hitman Reborn 2 a few years later! I'll wait patiently for it haha.

And, as for CS3103. What can I say about it. It's my worst nightmare ever. Literally. Last night I kept waking up from bad dreams, and guess what? They're all about CS3103. Cool siol.

I feel very bad because my partner's the one doing all the work, and there's nothing I can help him with... I can't even code in C for heaven's sake :( I'm sorry... I really shouldn't have taken this module in the first place since it's an optional module for me. Should've gone on to take my NM module instead :(

And anyways, today we almost had another world war in our household. Can't stand my mo~~ther most of the time~~ sometimes, really.

Sighs... It never rains, but it pours.

Happy happy stuff, Old airport road has some of the most awesome food in Singapore ever! Seriously, I can't wait to go there again.

Hitman Reborn

2010-09-25T19:13:00.000+08:00

Today is the worst day in my life.

1. CS3103
2. CS3103
3. CS3103
4. Hitman Reborn ended. And I only found out when I watched the new (last) episode today. Urgh. Crap crap crap why did it have to end? It should be one of those anime which has over 400 episodes like One Piece. Sians. Never mind, guess I'll just continue to follow the ongoing story via the manga. Hopefully a few months/years later they'll restart the anime :(
5. CS3103
6. CS3103

GAWD, do I HATE CS3103.

誰が私のブログを読んでいるの？

2010-09-20T23:41:00.000+08:00

今気づいた機能から何かを発見した。
私のブログに来る人がかなり多い。
誰なんでしょー。

このブログを知っている人はあまりいないからね。
親友の中でも、あまりアドレスを教えないもんね。

誰だよ。私のブログを読んでる人。

なんか気持ち悪くない？

ま、あまりかまわないけどね。ご自由に。

a day out with frog

2010-09-20T23:19:00.000+08:00

today went to school for gaw oc dance, which ended in like 1.5 hours. a bit waste time lol.

after that hung out with frog, first eat subway in school with the remaining ppl who mostly happened to be 9th MC people. then went to bpp to buy the remaining gifts for wishes. ended with ice-cream eating at macs haha. quite a long time since i last hung out with frog and frog only. turned out better than i thought :D

and.

i signed up for soc fop. it was a 冲动的 decision and i don't really know what to think of it. maybe i'll fly pigeons for the interview if i decide by then to back out of it. we'll see how la. my aim is to juggle 6 modules + e8 + soc fop in one semester (year3 sem2). wonder if i'll make it out alive. if i do, i'll become stronger. if i don't, i'll die at the bottom of the pit where no light nor warmth shall reach me. see how la.

as for internship, i'm not really keen on doing one. as if any company would actually accept me, hello?! tsk tsk. but if i do apply and if i do get my hands on one, well, we'll juggle internship + e8 + soc fop during summer vacation then. who knows? i might actually survive!

motto of the day: see how la.

JUUDAIME!

2010-09-20T00:18:00.000+08:00

cos it's not enough to just annoy you on msn, plurk and facebook :D

a place to hang out in

2010-09-15T19:43:00.000+08:00

sometimes i walk past computing club room and wish that i can go in and hang around and slack. the people inside always look like they are having tons of fun doing work together or slacking. plus they have somewhere that they can spend time in during school hours when they are not having classes. and it's almost like a guaranteed study spot that you don't need to fight for with other students. and there always seems to be people inside. sometimes i really wish that i know the people inside because 1. they look fun to hang around with 2. they look like awesome people 3. they look damn smart and they look like they help each other too, so they become even more smart. but then the fact is i don't know them, and there isn't really much possibility that i would become friends with them even if i had the chance to.

but today, when i went to csc clubroom to hang out during my 2hour break, somehow i felt that i have achieved whatever i have stated above... it's a place where we slack together, do work together, joke around, bullshit and crap, and it's a place where we can hang out during school hours but not having classes. and the people in there are fun to hang around with, are awesome people, and are smart and help each other and therefore become even smarter than before! just that they are not from computing, mostly from engin.

i've found my own version of the computing clubroom :) only disadvantage is that it's so far away in yih, dammit.

Many challenges lie ahead

2010-09-14T21:24:00.000+08:00

Was thinking about the past 2 years of my life as an NUS student and got kinda teary. Hope there will be more memories created in the last 2 years of my university life, be it happy, sad, difficult or enjoyable. Think I'll start writing a post dedicated to all the people who've left footsteps in my bare and plain university life, making it colourful and memorable. And publish it on the day I graduate. :D Look out for your name on it!

Anyway, was also thinking about how some people who obviously know my name, know my face, have come into contact with me before, have spoken to me before, have been in some organisation/group/tutorial/camp with me before, and can still pretend as if they don't know me at all, like I don't exist. Even if I wave at them, or give them a friendly smile, or say a little hello, I am ignored as if I was some wallpaper stuck on the school wall. Hey, what shit man. I'm trying to be friendly here? Whatever. Probably I am a very despised person in school, unknown to myself. I've never liked computing anyway.

I hope I survive all the schoolwork I have! Thursday Japanese midterm. 1 programming assignment (to be done with a guy whom I barely know), 1 flash project (to be done with 3 guys whom I only got to know through the project), 1 problem-solving assignment due on the same week as the programming assignment, Interaction with Waseda-Shibuya, Seiransai, 4 midterms which I am not quite sure what the date is, 1 academic essay for philo, 6 blog comments for philo. And plus the few tutorials which are due tomorrow which I have not finished doing yet! But I still feel so slack. I somehow think that I can pull it all off without breaking a sweat. Somebody slap me awake please!

At least, my official work for GAW is finished, and we have a break all the way till like December. Good right?

Things seem to be getting better

2010-09-11T23:24:00.000+08:00

My mom has re-started joining us for weekend lunches.
My mom has started planning for the december taiwan trip (although she is still kind of procrastinating).
My parents have started to talk to each other again (even if it's bit by bit).

But that is after they both vented out their anger on me. And plus my sister also got so fed-up with them that she also vented it out on me. Poor me. Why do I have to be the one to bear with all their nonsense? And worst of all, I am not allowed to do the same to them. What the hell unfairness. Sigh.

A few happy things that happened today: Episode 201 does not have any irritating long recaps! Happy ttm! Normally the song takes up 5 mins, recap takes up 10 mins, left with less than 15mins of real show. But today, there is no recap at the start of the episode! That means a full 20-25mins show! Happy. Shit la I sound like an otaku now dammit.

Ok shall sleep early I feel so tired and lethargic. Sigh.

End of Internal Drive, and no External Drive!

2010-09-09T20:38:00.000+08:00

Grant A Wish VIII's Internal drive ended today! Due to the so-called "overwhelming response", the wishes we collected for internal drive were all adopted, and we had to bring out the ones that we saved for external drive! And we were so awesome that we even finished all of those! So now, there is no external drive anymore! Yay! Except for the one at Hewlett Packard cos we have yet to collect wishes from one of the schools so most probably we'll use those wishes for the HP drive.

Let me continue bragging about how awesome we are! Last year, they managed to finish 400 wishes in 3 days. This year, we finished 250 on the very first day! Awesome much?

And, so many of them are such nice people that they even bought extra little gifts to go with the main gift! Some people are even more awesome, they didn't adopt any wishes, but they brought along little gifts that they wish to donate. And, it's sad that there were people who would come near the end of the day, hoping to adopt wishes but we had to tell them that there are no more wishes left to be adopted.

We are so awesome!

Ok, fine, actually, THEY are so awesome! I didn't really pull people to the booth to get them to adopt the wishes. Our volunteers rock!

AND, allow me to think highly of myself when I brag that it might be due to our pub props being so pretty and eye-catching ah ha ha. Ok, you can disagree with me, because it's just me thinking too highly of myself. Aiya, just let me feel happy and useful for a moment, can? Since there has been nothing that I have succeeded in in my life so far, just let me think that I played a part in this success...

Now, me and wong and pok have to headache over where to buy the gift that the three of us adopted together. Tried Lot 1, tried BPP, to no avail! Sian. It's ok, we still have the weekend to find and buy the gift.

Way too long a bad mood period

2010-09-04T12:29:00.000+08:00

No motivation to do anything at all, sighs...

Don't even feel like blogging anymore.

Well just some short updates or else I might never remember what happened during this period of my life

CS3240 project meeting went well. The guys are quite funny haha. We might base our project on SNSD! I'm actually quite excited about that :D

GAW internal drive is coming soon... Had quite some publicity stuff to handle... And. I hate having to speak to strangers, much less beg them to do charity. But it's what one has to go through if you're working for community service club... SIGH. Internal drive. SIGH.

Spree loots from I-forgot-when arrived. Quite happy.

Oh and my mom reimbursed me $20 for the pair of jeans I bought from the spree. Apparently she did that to "encourage" me to wear more long pants, because I'm always wearing shorts no matter where I go.

On thursday, I left my laptop in TC classroom, and only realised it when I reached home to an empty study desk. How great. Had dad drive me to school to retrieve it. Door's already locked cos when I reached it was already 9pm. Luckily the security guards were quite nice :) And best of all, I got my laptop back.

Good karma is me returning the iPhone I picked up, which results in my laptop not being stolen haha.

Ok... hopefully that about sums up everything? Dunno what else is left in this mundane life of mine.

Maybe I should also write this down, or i might forget... parent's cold war is still going on. SIGH.

青い夢　森翼

2010-08-28T18:02:00.002+08:00

君のためが僕のためと初めて感じる武者震い
それは僕の光る意思
二度とは戻らない時間それに気付いたらいつでも
僕はやり直せるんだよ

僕の危険と夢の危険が
重なる場所まで止まるな行け

青い青い僕らの夢振り返ってる暇はない
走れ走れ僕の言葉夢を乗せて走れ
宝物は此処にはないよまだ終わっちゃいないから
汗と涙は裏切らないああ見えてきた

確かに見覚えがあった一度手を止められた夢
それは僕のものでした
誰にも見せない泣き顔門外不出の傷跡
それも僕のものでした

暗い闇に目が慣れるように
少しずつだけど探しに行け

揺らぐ揺らぐ僕の気持ち一人ぼっちで泣いた夜
急げ急げまだ間に合うよ腕を大きく振ってゆけ
宝物に気付いたならまだ終わってないと叫べ
待てど来てくれないならばああ今行くよ

僕には翼なんてないよそんな事は気付いているよ
笑われても指差されても構わないだけど
君が涙を流しそうならそれはもう僕の出番だよ
いつだって何処だって飛んでゆくよ

青い青い僕らの夢振り返ってる暇はない
走れ走れ僕の言葉夢を乗せて走れ
届け届け指を伸ばして掴み取った物語
汗と涙は裏切らないああ見えてきた

Alone

2010-08-27T18:19:00.001+08:00

Without realising it, I've gotten used to being alone.
Without realising it, I've reached the state where I prefer to be alone.

And then I realise that all along, right from the start, I have always been alone.

friend　アイドリング！！！

2010-08-24T00:02:00.000+08:00

負けないでどんなに向かい風でも
ほら、世界はいつも君の味方だから

今まで気づかずにいた大切なもの
こんなにも近かったね
くじけそうになった朝もいつも笑顔の
あたたかい仲間がいたんだ

だから昨日より強くなれる
風が運ぶ夢のタネが

「希望(はな)」を咲かすまで

負けないでどんなに向かい風でも
ほら、世界はいつも君の味方だから

未来は信じることと助けあうこと
ほんの少しの勇気で
変えてゆけるよ誰もが特別だから
決して夢あきらめないでね

だからみんなのため強くなろう
虹のむこう光る明日が
待っているんだから

さあ振り返らずに向かおうあの場所
まだ見たこともない次のドアを開けよう
負けないでどんなに向かい風でも
ほら、世界はいつも君の味方だから

こころひとつになる
みんなのまん中に
ずっと君がいる
これからもそうBest Friend

さあ振り返らずに向かおうあの場所
まだ見たこともない次のドアを開けよう
負けないでどんなに向かい風でも
ほら、世界はいつも君の味方だから

The past few days Part II

2010-08-17T00:42:00.000+08:00

Ok, my blogging frequency is getting lesser. Well, but not like anyone reads my blog frequently anyway lols. I think I have also been purged from my only subscriber's RSS feeds too so, yeah. Heh!

Ok so let me think.

Thursday:
First japanese lecture of the semester! After that went to YIH with yeo to see the laptop man for the cover crack on our laptops. We have the exact same crack walaos. You tell me qiao or not. Anyway, luckily it was under warranty. They ordered the cover for us, which will reach in 2-3 weeks and then we will go back again and they'll assemble it for us. I'm a bit worried that it's the last year of our 3-year warranty now. So many hiccups these days.

Friday:
Went to Grace Orchard School near Jurong East for our 3rd wish collection! (Didn't go for the 2nd one cos I had lessons). The kids there are SO CUTE I TELL YOU. Grouped with Yeo, Jerome, Angel, Shitien, and Vincent. We took two classes. Ok it's been a few days after the actual thing so I don't really have the motivation to write down everything now. Anw there's this little boy called Clarence, and another one called Gabriel, they were having a little chat about one having PS4, the other having PS5, then ended with Clarence having PS5000. HEH. The other class, supposedly a high-functioning class, the kids there are so normal! But they are there for a reason so well. Anyway, what the teacher-in-charge told us was that the higher-functioning children will advance to Northlight Secondary School, and if they do well, they get to go to ITE! Btw Grace Orchard School is a school for children with mild intellectual disability and/or mild autism.

Well, it is good that we get to learn more about our beneficiaries. If not everytime go there and do work, don't know who they are. Know liao feels more meaningful.

Too bad we can't take photos with them :(

Today:
Chionged my GAW stuff by ponning my first NM2101 lecture. I got a feeling that I will regret this....
Went out with my sec sch friends! Ahma, KC, Audrey(whom I have not seen for the last 5 years!), XY and Hannah! We went to KAP to eat Macs and then followed by Island Creamery. Had a lot of really nice chatting! Nice to catch up with old friends once in a while~

Tmr:
Free tuesday! Next week onwards it will be full of tutorials though sigh

Wed:
We will be going for XLB! :D Our animals and food gang! Whee~

Ok side note, i got all my first choice tutorial slots! Except for CS3240 la but who cares about that damn module. 8 out of 9 tutorials+labs leh! Lucky or not? And best thing is that I only ranked one choice for each tutorial slot haha I didn't even bother to put in 2nd choice tutorial slots.

Ok that's all for today. Tired from chionging my poster and postcard for GAW. Going to watch my hitman reborn before heading to bed!!! And chiong some more tomorrow again!

Goodbye my love~

2010-08-12T10:45:00.000+08:00

I'm a Year 3 student in NUS now. I hate that. Cos "year 3 student" sounds terribly old. :(

And I'm going to send my laptop to YIH again today. The lid (the part behind the screen) has an immense CRACK and it exposes some unknown metal AND the crack worsens each time I attempt to close the lid! D:

I hope it doesn't do any damage to my screen... If not, the whole laptop is GG.

I hope I don't have to send it for repair. I hope the YIH guy tells me it is ok. Then I won't have to part with my laptop. Hell, school has already started, I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT MY LAPTOP!

Ok wish me good luck will ya?

tantrum throwing 50-year-old

2010-08-08T23:03:00.000+08:00

it's epic seeing a 50-year-old behaving like a 5-year-old.

one who throw tantrums over the littlest of things. and doing it to such a scale that i'm not very sure what she intends to gain from this in the end.

so yah, today was supposed to be a good day. a REALLY good, enjoyable and happy day.

we were supposed to go watch SALT together as a family, and then head over to chinatown to get some Koi Cafe. dinner time was supposed to be korean rice cakes cooked by my sis and all four of us were supposed to sit down together to eat together happily while watching tv. sounds like a pleasant and happy day to you? well, sure does to me.

but of course, nothing in my life happens according to plan. NOTHING.

so on our way to west mall to watch Salt, my father made a passing remark about my mom's smoking habit, and boom! tantrum time.

first of all, she refused to speak to any of us up till now. she purposely walks quickly so that she doesn't need to walk with us. for a while we lost sight of her, until she called us and scolded us for disappearing, like, wtf? and then after lunch we went to buy groceries for my sister's korean rice cakes in the evening. while we were queuing up, she suddenly just threw a bottle of sauce into the basket i was holding and stormed off saying "i'm going home myself". lol. let her be.

then when we were done cooking our very scrumptious dinner, she hid in the toilet to smoke throughout the whole dinner time. when we finished eating, and of course we left a lot of food for her, she just said, "I don't want to eat". Ok fine. Then when we were done cleaning everything up she went to cook instant noodles.

so anyway till now, she's still not yet done with her little tantrum. i'm seriously so sick and tired of this childish woman. she likes to throw tantrums. she gets angry over nothing. she gets violent too. she likes to threaten to kill me and then commit suicide herself. i really don't know how i am going to continue living with this crackpot.

as you might already have guessed, i am pissed enough for the night.

and then i found out we forgot to celebrate father's day. and guess who we found out about it from? my father himself. he sounded damn sad cos we remembered to celebrate mother's day but not father's day. in fact i'm still not very sure when father's day is right now.

and plus a few queens here and there.

and halfway through whining to a friend, she went outdoors. great, i don't even have a person to whine to right now.

and i am super dissatisfied with all the crap work i have been producing for GAW.

and school's starting and i haven't prepared anything for it yet.

and my weight just increased again.

and, and, i have been trying to download some new games for my DS and my broadband mobile internet just keeps cutting itself off.

just makes me feel that.
全世界的人都要我應酬他們但沒有人肯來應酬我
別人都要我看他們的臉色辦事但我心情如何確又沒人理會
就連網絡都要我看他的心情,隨他的步調做事
我都已經夠煩了心情夠差了
家裡的人在打冷戰各個往我身上發洩
做事沒有一樣事順心的
連一個訴苦的對象都沒有
竟然連網絡都不跟我合作

it never rains, but it pours.

First Wish Collection @ Pertapis Children's Home

2010-08-05T23:56:00.000+08:00

Went down to Kovan for our first wish collection today at Pertapis Children's Home. This is my 2nd time to this home as I've been there during Paint A Home last year.

Was damn sleepy and felt druggy throughout the whole event. Must be the panadol. Had serious cramps this morning and could hardly even move out of bed, thus the panadol.

Furthermore, the kids kind of ignored my presence! If they had questions, they asked someone else even though I was standing next to them. I also didn't really knew how to engage in a conversation with them, nor did I really know how to guide them into making their choice of what present they want. It felt really horrible...

Plus, a few of them were quite hostile too. To the point that I really felt intimidated by one of them. Oh and. Halfway through, one of the girls started crying.

I really really wanted the whole thing to just end quickly so that we can go eat dinner and then go home fast.

But almost at the end, some stuff happened that made me change my opinion.

There was this really sweet girl who wrote a really lengthy thank-you card, and she went around to each of the volunteers, tugged at the corner of our shirts and said that she wanted to show it to us. Then she read it out to us, the whole thank-you card. It included a lot of "I <3 U all volunteers" and also a lot of really sweet stuff like, wish that we will be happy, and that she's happy that we came, hope that we come again soon etc etc. So sweet right! After that, she came to each of us and wanted us to sign on her card. You tell me cute or not? Haha!

And then after that, cos girls and boys are split into two different rooms and all the male volunteers were in the other room, then Vincent was standing outside the room doing stuff, the girl told Jingrong that she wanted to read the card to him, but she's shy~ CUTE RIGHT!

Anw.

And then there was a little origami folding session. Cos we were assigned one member to 3 or 4 girls, some of them actually folded and/or wrote cards specially for the volunteer assigned to them! :D Of course I didn't get any lah. Haha.

Oh yeah, there was this little girl who was super obsessed with the measuring tape we had in the room, and kept running around measuring everybody's waist measurements, albeit inaccurate. Then she asked me to measure for her, and asked me if it is slim or not. 23inches so I said super slim! (But actually she's only 8, so it's actually not as slim la since she haven't even grow up yet). Then she say then whats yours? And started to measure mine. Result was 34inches (pls lo I'm not that huge) and she went "WA SUPER FAT!" LOLOLOLOLOL! Ok, I really thought that that was super cute!

Oh ya, and near to the end of the session, me and Jingrong were playing a game with one of the girls (the same one who wrote the very lengthy thank-you card). I'm not sure what that game is called though. First time knowing such a game anyway. Then halfway through the game, the girls were called out for shower time, so sad. Then she very enthusiastically said "Ok, see you later! We continue the game later ok!" Then we had to sadly say, oh, after this we're leaving already... So she asked very sadly when we are coming back again. To which we answered December.

Before they left, there were a few who shouted to us SEE YOU IN DECEMBER!!! :DDDD Haha. Cute? CUTE!

Then when we were leaving, something else very special happened...

We were already outside the building, walking towards the bus stop, and then! We heard a lot of people shouting to us then we turned around and we saw all of them at their window grilles, waving and shouting to us "Bye bye!! Bye bye!!", all the way until we couldn't even see them anymore!

I really think that this is the kind of experience that I would remember for life, and it's also something that I wouldn't have been able to encounter if I had not joined this project.

However, memorable experiences aside, I've got a super tight deadline to meet right now D: TONS of stuff due in two weeks' time! Which switches me back to "oh-man-shouldn't-have-joined-this-project" mode.

Side note, it's sad when I think about how these seemingly sweet and innocent girls are in the children's home for reasons that are not even their fault. Sigh...

私の将来はめちゃくちゃだな

2010-08-01T21:30:00.000+08:00

二年前、やっと大学からの手紙が来てくれて、とてもうれしかった。でも、ちゃんと読んだ後、「コンピューター学部」って書いてあった。私はこの学部に入るつもりじゃなかったので、とても失望しちゃった。でも、大学に通えるために、なんとなく入っちゃった。

一年生のときがここまでの一番幸せなときかも。コンピューターの勉強は難しいけど、なんとなく生き残った。

でも、私が知らなかったことはあった。二年生になった後が本当の地獄の始まりだった。

この一年に、何回も数学の試験に失敗したり、コンピューターの勉強に逃げたり、いろいろな失敗なことをしちゃったの。もちろん、成績も悪くなっちゃった。

でも、今は自分を助けるつもりがあるから、本当に真面目に頑張りたいの！やっと、ちょっとだけでも成績がよくなった。

もっと頑張ろう！って思って、三年生のこの一年を大切にしようと思ってたの…

でも今は、学校のせいで、間に合って卒業できないかも！何これ！

私の将来はめちゃくちゃだな。この学部に入ることが人生の一番大きな失敗だ。これからどうすればいいのかがまだわからないの。

もうやる気がなくなっちゃったの。一週間に学校が始まるのに。

crashing at argaleo bbq

2010-07-30T15:48:00.000+08:00

went to argaleo's bbq yesterday night cos it was at bukit panjang.

as usual the usual few brought their liquor and started to drink. as usual, i did not drink any. HAHA.

and they kept stirring a lot of random shit. and wanyan was saying, omg jocelyn, i see you like almost everyday! and she also ask me to go back see my photo albums cos almost every photo album i uploaded last night got her in it.

i love satay! i think the bbq wholesale centre satay is super nice! the buffalo wings were nice too, but the satay was even better! it's juicy and tender and all. for my birthday mini bbq i'm gonna spam lots of satay from there.

oh yeah! before the bbq me and yeo went lot1 and after that went bpp to shop and she spent $45 at the $10 spree shop haha. and she also bought shoes. and a bag. hahahaha. looks like her relief teacher stint pay is going to really kena spend finish soon... :P

anw

had to leave around 9.50 to rush home to be home by 10pm. was late by 5mins. oh well. haha.

at night i got invited to their mass chat and they started to stir more shit all the way until 3am they still showed no signs of wanting to stop yet lol! so i went to sleep liao

and then after that started coughing the night away! i kept waking up to cough.. sighs. did not have a good nights sleep.

and today, actually just half an hour ago... i coughed so badly that i actually vomited. siao man. urgh. had to clean up my own mess of course. while coughing. lol. i coughed until i started tearing and all... 真的好辛苦啊

i want to get better in time for school... please please?

Grant A Wish VIII Paint A Backdrop day!

2010-07-28T22:54:00.000+08:00

Went to school today to paint the backdrop for our wish collection day. Had quite a lot of fun; our backdrop turned out really nice in my opinion. oh ya and yeo came to help out haha! and i realised that cheryl likes mos burger too! and she has watched yamada taro monogatari too and she likes some arashi songs too! haha.

Photos on FB. Haha. I'm always lazy to upload photos on blogger anyway. (Yeah I know you can hotlink it from fb but anywayyyyy)

just a random thought

i really want very badly to be overseas right now. seeing my peers leave for sep, summer program, noc, or even just for a holiday... i can't help but feel super duper useless. i know some of us aren't going. but you all have a choice, i don't... it's not that i chose not to go, it's just that my grades are so downright lousy that i don't even have the cheek to apply.

well, that was a post i was typing halfway this morning before i left house... it still remains true.

anw!

ajisen tmr! and bbq! another full-of-food day!!! Yums!

changed tagboard, new tentative timetable

2010-07-26T14:55:00.000+08:00

i got so irritated by the spam messages that i changed my tagboard. hopefully it will be the end of it all. but of course, it is quite impossible if they are actually finding my tagboard using my blog address rather than the tagboard address. sians. let's just see how it goes.

ok so. if nothing goes wrong this is probably how my timetable will look like!

Free on friday!!

let's just hope that everything goes fine... for now...
help me get all my mods please!!! if not i will really hate the computing management for first cancelling our MPE and later making me have to crawl all over the place looking for mods just because i can't get the mods i want.

a friend in need

2010-07-25T01:36:00.001+08:00

ok i am very super worried right now but i have got no one to tell it to. i might not be able to sleep tonight because of this.

if only if i am living alone, then i would have been able to help. however that was not the case...

the past few days

2010-07-24T18:15:00.000+08:00

i don't understand why i keep getting spam comments on my tagboard. so irritating. i have to delete them one by one manually.

anyway.

on thursday i went to kinotis' kite-flying outing at marina barrage and after that went for a GAW meeting which ended incredibly late. when i reached home i got scolded by my parents (my father) about joining cca. which explains my previous post.

friday, went to eat oishii pizza and island creamery with cherie, yujia, pok, and wong. oishii pizza is unexpectedly nice (and affordable)!!! island creamery is super nice too! first time eating these two. might go back again some day :D heard there's another island creamery at KAP. which is nearer than wherever was that that we went on friday... can't remember what that place's name is!!! at sixth avenue. some really old shopping centre filled with students from prestigious secondary schools.

ok got to go rush gaw pub stuff now ciao

unsupportive parents haiz

2010-07-23T11:47:00.000+08:00

i don't understand why my parents object so much to me joining cca. i don't understand why they always give me the impression that they expect me to be studying 24/7, even during holidays. wtf is wrong with them huh? what's wrong with joining cca? it's not like i'm taking drugs or cheating during exams or participating in gang fights or whatsoever? just wtf is wrong with them?!!!!

haiz.

laptop is back, xlb, nodame, jap ktv, gaw pub cell meeting

2010-07-21T00:10:00.000+08:00

my laptop is back! everything is gone, but it also gained a dead pixel. lol.

and yesterday we went to eat xiaolongbao at crystal jade holland v. never ate so many xlb in my life before. after that we walked around COLD STORAGE to digest our food for a while. then headed to swensens' where we ate the student 2 for $9.80 sundaes! i love when we do random stuff like this. haha!

today we went to catch nodame finale part 2. the very very last part! well i also think that the first part was nicer. hm. well. after that we went to sing the jap ktv at ming arcade. dabao-ed toriQ in. i'm really starting to love toriQ's bento more and more!!! how! haha... there's no toriQ near my house!!! D: after that left early to go plaza sing meet with gaw pub cell. then now at home!

tomorrow, thursday, friday, i all have to go out! plus weekends too D: i wanna rest at home~

but if i stay at home, being alone with my mom is damn dangerous. i suspect she has bipolar disorder. like for no reason she will start screaming at me like i've just killed her husband or something. like anytime she will rush to get the chopper or something and start attacking me. haiz. life is damn fucked up.

laptop withdrawal symptom

2010-07-18T15:31:00.000+08:00

laptop still under repair. the repairman(?) called me on friday morning saying that he will need to reload the operation system. all my data will be gone!!! and i don't want to go down to school just to do the hard disk data transfer thingy. i checked. i have my most important photos in another laptop. i have my portfolio in my thumbdrive. i have my final game proposal in my thumbdrive too.

what will be lost? those downloaded mp3, videos, games. past year assignments and lecture notes. most photos in there are already on facebook. ok now i realise that those past year lecture notes might be important. AIYA SHIT. oh well what to do? i think they already erased my data. sigh.

hopefully i can get back my laptop on monday? i am having serious withdrawal symptoms here. and my old laptop is damn laggy and the msn is full of emoticons which is annoying me seriously, but i am lazy to turn the emoticons off.

anw i watched "Tales from Earthsea" yesterday night on the net. seriously i think Hayao Miyazaki stepping down from Studio Ghibli (and letting his son take over) is the worst thing that can ever happen. the newer movies that are not directed by him are just so... lucklustre? i dunno. in the end i got so depressed that i want to rewatch Howl's moving castle, Ponyo by the cliff and Spirited away again. how ah how. there will be no more fantastic animated films anymore. i am sadded. hopefully his son will improve, then we will have great films once more.

oh and recently i have got no motivation to do anything. i wonder why.

Nodame on tuesday with wong! :D

ah pok celebration day!

2010-07-14T21:14:00.000+08:00

ok so not everything went as planned, but at least it ended quite ok i guess. bumped into the yrs people a few minutes before i was about to leave hahaa.

and hor. yesterday night i was trying to fix my R4i flashcart system date error by downloading a supposedly newly updated kernel, but halfway through downloading, my windows hanged. then no matter how many times i restart, it only gets past the windows vista loading screen and then it's the black screen hanging there. i don't even get to see the vista logo shining! sadded. going to bring my laptop down tomorrow to comcen and hopefully it will get fixed somehow? really not sure what's wrong, but at least since i can still use safe mode, it should be fixable. somehow i don't have the system restoration option on. i don't remember switching it off?! haiz.

so yeah more on today's outing.

there's me, pok, wong, bear, and yang (who went down after her teaching!). went to just acia at dhoby gaut xchange. ok the food is okay. mine was teriyaki chicken set. i think their teriyaki chicken is nice! and there's free flow of drinks and ice cream. however i really think that i must be catching up on age cos i just don't seem to be able to eat as much as i did in the past while i was still a teenager. two servings of ice cream and i'm down already?! not worth not worth...

and i think i am quite happy that pok seemed to like the high waist shorts with the ribbon! we sourced for it really hard... glad she liked it! :D but as for the dress we got her, well, i think she don't like it as much as the shorts haha! never mind. i'm sure she will still wear it :P

and bear did a really nice card for pok! well... it's my regret that the birthday cards that i make for pok seems to get lousier and lousier as each year goes by... she says she collects all the birthday cards that we make for her each year haha! she's my birthday card archive!

ok so. hopefully on friday i can rest well. it's been a hectic week so far, and things are only going to get busier and busier for me.

gaw oc meeting

2010-07-14T01:04:00.000+08:00

ok so in the morning i overslept. was supposed to reach amk depot at 9am but woke up at around 10am. GOOD GAME. anw and then found out from bear that it is not at amk?! wth then why is it called amk depot. should be called yishun depot or something.. and bear had to attend the briefing alone... so sorry... and she told me that the briefing is just, sign contract, get timesheet, details will be given in an email. okayyyyy that's not called a "briefing" right? anw it also shouldn't be called amk depot. ok never mind.

then was supposed to meet bear and wong together at amk hub for some shopping but wong also overslept... so i asked bear to go home and rest if not she have to wait for us for what, an hour or so? ok so it was a major pangseh-the-bear day. ok bear i am sorry!!!

so met up with wong at JP where we ate pepper lunch and then shopped around. then went JE cos she needed to hand in her ZARA timesheet with her friend at around 2pm. then headed to bugis where we had KOI! and shopped around.

then we parted ways on the train cos she goes home and i go school

went for GAW first meeting. damn tired. this committee is damn small compared to ethelonter committee and i am a bit not used to it. here, everybody gets a chair to sit on. in ethelonter we squeeze on the floor. ok i really miss ethelonter somehow. oh well. so we had ice breakers and a lot of those formal talk like intro to csc intro to gaw. stuff that i already know. haha. overall, a rather relac meeting.

so now we have to kind of rush out the publicity stuff. meeting them on monday to finalise three themes for presentation. actually i am glad that there are 4 people in the pub cell. cos at the very least, things like what happened in internal hunt would not happen in pub cell this time round. cannot be that all 3 people don't do their work one ma, right? i would be able to share the burden with somebody else. haha.

speaking of internal hunt. i cannot regret more that it turned out to be a failure. i still think of it as a failure. i cannot stop thinking of it as a failure despite people telling me that some freshies think that it was fun. because what i see is that they don't think it is fun. the councillors don't like it. the oc don't think well of it. which part of it looks like it wasn't a failure to you? and during review meeting, every other programme had a certain handful of positive comments. just not internal hunt. failure. i regret it very much, which is why i am damn sian about GAW oc now. i don't think that highly of myself anymore. because i am a failure. i am one who cannot even organise a proper birthday outing, much less a camp programme, much less any other thing that needs leadership or organising skills. just see this morning what happen? nothing goes according to planned. i should not even put on that big hat when i don't even have such a big head. what stretch yourself to see how far you can go. bullshit. loser will always be loser no matter how far i try to step out of my damn comfort zone.

last E7 meeting

2010-07-13T00:44:00.000+08:00

ok so we had a K-session before the last E7 meeting. it was very lol. but their Sorry, Sorry was the korean version, not the funny chinese version so I am a bit disappointed haha.

the last E7 meeting is a review meeting where we go through each and every part of the camp to see how we can improve it, then write it into the PPR and pass down to next year's camp committee. all i can say is, it was damn naggy and longwinded but a lot of issues were not addressed yet. or rather there was not enough time to do so. if i had the courage and the guts i would take a whole hour on my own lor, please.

but anyway that would mark the end of all things camp-related, which is kinda sad, actually. cos the next time we all meet together like this, would it even be possible? sadded.

but anyway, E7 just ended only and tomorrow is the start of Grant-A-Wish. SIGHS. kind of regretted applying for that but oh wells. busy is better than slacking and wasting away my youth, especially since i am not working, which equals to not contributing to my income nor my resume haha.

haiz. i am sad that i am old. so i remind myself again and again that i am still 20 years old.

p.s. tomorrow i have to be at AMK at freaking 9am HAIZ

就是想用華語寫

2010-07-11T23:04:00.000+08:00

這是一則沒有意義的部落格文章
我並沒有任何想說的東西
即使我有,也無法用華語來寫出我想說的東西
我不得不承認自己母語很差
但是事到如今我又能怎樣補救呢?
我並不是沒有良好的華語學習環境
怎麼說我媽也是台灣人,只善通華語,所以我接觸華語的機會也比一般新加坡人來得多
也不是因為我沒專心上華文課
怎麼說我也是成績拿A的學生
問題究竟在哪裡呢?
你能幫我嗎?

I think I will use Lang-8.com (which I have been using for learning Japanese) to re-learn and strengthen my Chinese.

half a kinotis outing

2010-07-10T19:19:00.000+08:00

today there was supposed to be a kinotis outing but i left halfway to eat dinner with my family. they're probably having dinner now! but it's ok cos my dad's cooking chilli crab for us! YUM.

and it's going to be xinyi the pok's birthday soon.

oh yea did i mention that i caught despicable me with my sis yesterday at JP? it's a funny movie but not really worth the $6.50 if you ask me. like, no climax lei. but the minions are cute. haha.

monday is the review oc meeting for ethelonter. the very last meeting. the meeting where we will voice out everything. kind of nervous but yeah. it's a necessity, i think.

and on tuesday, will be the first every oc meeting for Grant A Wish VIII! hope things will go well. because from the looks of it the person i dislike has already garnered a lot of support from a lot of people from the oc which will mean that they will have a bias against me when we work together. hope things will go well for me lol.

unwell week 2

2010-07-08T19:10:00.000+08:00

this morning i woke up and weighed myself, got a shock because i saw a number that i have not seen for a very long time already. i've lost a total of 4kgs since before camp! but i don't think it's something to be happy about because it resulted from me being sick and down with fever, and i didn't lose any fats; i'm still as fat, my clothes are still as tight.

i want to get well soon but i also want to remain at that weight. somebody shoot me please.

anw i finally broke my losing streak!!! spain actually won. looks like paul the octopus was right! so was mani the parrot. boo hoo so sad!

i need income~~~

oh yeah. went to JP today with sis cos she wanted to go artbox, and guess who i bumped into there? bear and her sis! the orange and the apple. haha. afterwards when we were leaving i bumped into my cousin lol. a day full of meetings.

after i reached home i have been having this immense headache... self-recuperate is not a good way. when will my mother let me go see a doctor i wonder. SEE I TOLD YOU I NEED INCOME. sucks to be her daughter really. she is CLUELESS.

let me elaborate.

i am sick. i asked nicely if she could cook some porridge for me? she says "i give you money you go eat kfc." i tell her i can hardly walk. she says she will order macdonalds for me. i say nvm i'll just cook instant noodles myself. then you know what happened for dinner? she go and order pizza. GOOD GAME.

anw i think i really have to save myself... these days at night my heart thumps so hardly i think it might burst anytime... confirm got to do with my diet one. i'm so scared right now... do i have high blood pressure? or am i going to suffer a stroke? and my sickness seems to only get worse.. everyday i cough harder than the day before. and my nose seems useless now cos i can't breathe through it at all.

actually today i was supposed to go out for two things but i didnt:
1. briefing for SYOG
2. esmond's birthday surprise

oh well.

tmr i'm going to watch despicable me with my sis. actually i'm not so sure if i should be going out in this state. but promised liao means must do. see how la.

some people...

2010-07-06T18:52:00.000+08:00

some people's worlds are just so narrow that they mock others when they hear something that is different from what they know. but what they don't know is that they themselves become the laughing stock of the world in the real world.

when you hear something new, it is best to double check before you start laughing and start an offensive mocking attack session on others. it's always good to be humble. and there's always a thing called the internet which you should really put to good use to learn more about the world rather than just using it to play facebook and msn. google doesn't bite; use it.

this is for you people who think that your world is all that there is. 世界還廣得很呢!

ok fine also because i'm terribly sick so i got pissed off really bad really easily. too bad for you naive and unlucky people.

i miss camp

2010-07-05T21:01:00.000+08:00

haiz

i sometimes think about how we played daidi until the daylight started shining through the windows until 7plus am in the morning, and how we enthusiastically cheered our bangsai cheers, played our sai 拳, and how me and jingwen can come up with completely random cheers and somehow finish each other's random cheers together even though we hadn't preplanned it. like got 默契 you know. it's one thing to finish your friend's sentences, but to finish the cheers together is more 誇張 i think. plus i've only know her for like what? a few months. i also miss our ah beng cheers and hokkien cheers and our perfect english cheers.

for that five days i felt like i had the whole world behind me, supporting me, to catch me if i fall, to lend me a listening ear should i need it. i've seen how the others gave evelyn the support when she needed it. i've seen how they gave me good advice when i needed it. i also like when they enthusiastically follow me in my crazy antics. and they let me be when i seem too tired and try to slack in one corner to sleep.

i don't like to feel too attached to people because i would be devastated when i lose them. and experience tells me that it is all too easy to lose people you always thought are close to you. holding them too close to your heart would mean that when you lose them, you lose a bit of your heart along with them. but 感情的事是不能勉強的 and i believe this sentence applies to all sorts of relationships, be it friendship and whatnot.

but i also believe that should i lose any of them i will always have my favourite few besties who will always be there when i need them. and so will i be there for them if they need me! you know who you are~ haha. meet up again soon ok. before school starts!